The Floral Danger Zone

There are times when I try to ponder the big questions. The why’s, the how’s. The reasons and the rhymes.

But as I’m pondering those heady ideas, it’s not uncommon for something less soul-searching-worthy to sneak in.

It tiptoes around, slides in the back, waits quietly for an appropriate amount of time, and then just when I’m zeroing in on the way to uproot one of my inner demons or thinking that I may have reached a place of peace with my alignment in the universe, I get interrupted by “HEY! Did you see the size of that hairball in the hallway? Where the heck is the Petromalt?”

My subconscious is not only disorganized, it is rude and has a brilliantly bad sense of timing.

So, here’s the though that intruded on, interrupted, and down-right short-circuited my quest for inner peace last night.

If I fix something really bad that I let happen in the house, is that a point gain or a point loss?

If, for-purely-hypothetical-and-has-of-course-never-happened-in-my-house-example, I take the approach of human garbage compactor in the bathroom and opt for the “use more force” approach of cramming tissues into the wastebasket for say….oh, I don’t know…perhaps two or three television seasons, do I lose points for that or do I get points for finally hiring  a hauling service?

And if, perhaps, the birdseed scatter on the patio lingers long enough to sprout, grow and produce enough grain to feed a small European nation, do I get penalized for my lackadaisical approach to yard maintenance, or do I get points for finally razing the overgrowth back down to where I can see the concrete again?

And here’s the reason I ask. (We all knew there was a reason,right, and I didn’t just pose these {purely and totally hypothetical} questions for the sake of lively debate?)

Here is a picture of an item that I own. It’s the picture from the catalog. It’s one of the few times I have ever seen anything in a catalog and then folded the catalog over and gone to Himself and said, “This. I love this. This thing right here. I love it. I have birthdays. This.” (point point point point)

And at the Easter dinner from Stephen King’s “The Stand”, I placed flowers and candles in it. Which, although I did not include in my tally from the dinner really could have resulted in a few points for me. (There’s a reason I didn’t count it, but I’ll cover that in another post. Otherwise you’d all drown in words, and I would feel bad, and then I’d eat chocolate, because that’s what I do, and then I’d be in a diabetic coma and then I couldn’t write more to you all. But, you wouldn’t be there because you all drowned, so…I’m going to stop with these deep thoughts now otherwise something like “HEY! That new toothpaste tastes like CHALK!” is going to interrupt me.)

So anyway, pretty statue, flowers floating with candles… and then I got sick.

Can you see where this is going? Can you? And if you can, can you go back in time about a week and remind me that those damned flowers are there in the water sitting in the corner of the family room???  I’d really appreciate it ever so much. You’re a peach. Thanks.

Ok, so no time travelling, so let’s all take a deep breath and realize that yes, those flowers sat there with me having totally forgotten about them for two weeks.

And you know what finally brought my attention to that particular corner of the family room?

The cats drinking from it.

Ew! ICK!

So I carried the little statuette into the kitchen, donned my haz-mat gloves and face shield, and tossed the flowers, dumped the (remaining) water, and scrubbed the basin out.

So the question I pose to you is, do I lose points for leaving the flowers there to…ummm…let’s not use an actual verb to describe what happened to the flowers. You might be eating. Or, do I gain points for dealing with the disaster and setting all things to normal again?

Really. This is what keeps me up at night. And I have three teenagers.


  1. You are totally AWESOME!! Unfortunately I have found myself in much the same predicament but with no cats to give me the early warning, I was finally notified via the putrid smell coming from atop where ever I had the flowers sitting.

    In my very humble opinion – being that I’m totally new at this – is that you lose points for not taking care of the task in the first place but then you get points for getting it done – so it’s a wash….. How does that sound??

    1. First, thank you for kind words. I’m so glad you enjoyed reading.

      And second, I sort of came to same conclusion: net neutral. But, I do give myself points for general cleaning at times, which, technically is due to a mess that I caused (although I can mostly convince myself that it was the kids or the cats). Thus ensued the pondering.

      I’m just not to be trusted.

  2. Wow, Martha points. I have the sudden urge to get my house painted. That should get me some sort of points. I just have no idea what color to paint it. I wish I had some sort of designing skills but alas that part of my brain does not work!!!!!

  3. i think martha would be saddened by the neglect so you technically might lose a point, but then promptly gain one back because you did make a nice, temporary slimy ecosystem for some microscopic critters. and that’s going green. and being animal friendly. and you did wash the basin out instead of throwing it away–which is what i HAVE done before. so maybe even add two?

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