NOTHING caught on fire, I swear!

True confessions time. I am about to bare my soul in a manner of utter honesty. (As opposed to all the disingenuous soul-baring that’s happening out there?)

I. Do. Not. Like. Shopping.

Herein are the problems:

  1. I’m fundamentally miserly.
  2. I get tired easily.
  3. I’m a weird shape.
  4. My budget cannot sustain my tastes in…well… anything except wine apparently. Then, I’m your classic cheap date.
  5. NO ONE waits on me in a matter befitting my occasional willingness to spend $14.95 on shoes.

The universe has simply failed to arrange certain circumstances to suit me. This is why I should be in charge. So remember, Queen Goddess: Vote for Lori!

But a couple weeks ago, I bought something. (I ordered on-line, I didn’t have to actually endure a mall.) I bought….a Nikon Camera.

I’ve been saying that I wanted a really nice camera since I was 12 or 13. But the few times I had quality devices around me, I completely did not understand them. Half the time I couldn’t even get the shutter to release, and  no matter how I begged, pleaded or threatened (you RELEASE your shutter, damnit, or you’ll find  your precious film DANGLING FROM THE NEAREST TREE! ) the camera would not do what I wanted it to.

Fortunately, instruction books have evolved pretty seriously since then. Back then, the camera guide spoke in secret code that you’d need the Enigma machine to translate,  because they pretty well assumed you already spoke Camera or you wouldn’t be standing there with anything but a Polaroid InstaMatic in your hands in the first bloody place.

But now there are Dummies Books!

So these shots are me playing around with prolonged exposures because I had just invested in a little tripod. And note how in the low light, you cannot see dust or dirt? Always thinkin’. That’s me.

It should be pointed out that I have carefully avoided including any photos that the cats wormed their way in. I had two reasons for doing this. 1) The cats are horrible prima-donna-attention-seekers, and they really can’t stay away from the camera to save them. It’s becoming pathological and  I worry that if I don’t put a lid on this behavior that I’m going to come home one day and find a Yahoo news story about how one of them got arrested because they rode a moped around town while hopped up on un-cut catnip just so they could get chased by the Paparazzi. So I have to be careful to avoiding reinforcing this behavior and not upload pictures of them cam-hogging. And 2) Photos of Oblivious cats +Open flames= Visits by CPS (Cat Protection Services.) And really, I have enough on my plate.

So the plan here is to take lovely photos that I can decorate my home with. (There was also the thought when I started this blog a few weeks ago that if I was going to write about my home, my never-ending battle with dirt and dust, my family and my kids, then I should learn how to take pictures of all that because as lovely as stock photo sites are, your typical savvy reader was going to notice that the kids’ age, gender, size and ethnicity was changing with every shot.)  But what I had to do to my living room so I could set up these shots rivals anything my three teenaged kids, or the backfield of your average NFL team, could do to it.

But I’m having fun with the camera, and true to the title of the post, I didn’t burn, flambé, scorch, sear or torch a thing.

Not even one, little whisker on one, little cat.

This post linked to Sweet Shot Tuesday.


  1. I hate to shop, too. I always feel weird telling other women that…it just doesn’t seem natural! Glad I’m not alone.

    And, more to the point…I LOVE your photos, especially the last one. It would look lovely hanging on someone’s wall. I don’t think it will take you long at all to learn everything about your new camera.

  2. All I can say is, I’m much relieved to know that the cats are safe. Your photos look great – especially the first one. It’s complicated business taking photos, isn’t it. Have you tried any of the on-line courses or blogs with photo tips?

  3. Love the first picture but they are all great. I’m not a good photographer at all so I’ll enjoy looking at your wonderful pics. Grace, who left a comment above, takes beautiful pictures. I love looking at her blog just for the pictures.

  4. I just got my fancy-schmancy camera for Christmas. My first 1000 pictures were completely out of focus…so you are doing much better than I did at first. I am slowly learning what happens when I push one of the buttons. It has been really fun to figure it all out. I don’t speak camera either.

    Great pics!

  5. I hate to shop also…hate it, hate it, hate it. Which is ironic has I have two closets full of shoes and clothes. Just really hate the act of shopping: trying things on, sales people saying what they like, and paying for it.
    Great pictures…and blog.

  6. Love the pictures and your writing style. Keep the posts coming! You’ve found your support group with this post. I don’t like to shop for myself much either. I don’t mind going along and coaxing other people to spend their money on themselves, but I’m way too picky and cheap.
    Now that you have your fun, new camera and know how to work it, you can spend time on something I found to be unexpectedly fun- using the computer to crop the horrid photos to become “artistic”. ;)

  7. very funny! good way to start my day! i can’t believe you’ve just started blogging a few weeks ago… the photos are great, too… #3 is my fav.

  8. Okay, I LOVE to shop! But since I live in the middle of nowhere (the nearest mall is over an hour away) I have to do most of my shopping online. Not fair!
    Great shots by the way…love the colored tea-lights!

  9. Lori – I love your pictures! And you know that I’m a photographer (yes, I finally dare to call myself this!), so I can fully acknowledge your work. Beautiful!!! It just speaks for itself that everybody here loves your pictures. I hope to see more!

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