I’ll Make a Million

I was inspired. Inspired by KLZ @ Taming Insanity.

She complained about feeling like her brains were leaking out her ears.

And it was like a bell struck deep in my soul. I feel like my brains are leaking out my ears. I feel like my brains are leaking out of my ears all the time. I even say things like, “If I have to tell you that ONE MORE TIME my BRAINS WILL LEAK OUT MY EARS!” At work I talk about how all the paperwork causes my brains to leak out my ears.

Dramatic Re-Enactment:

Lori says all the time that she feels like her brains are leaking out her ears.

-A Co-Worker of Lori’s

And when KLZ said that she felt like her brain was leaking out her ears, I felt…connected. Validated. I knew I was not alone in the sensation of escaping cortical material.

And I knew that Something Had To Be Done.

So I took to the drawing board. (Note: I do not have a drawing board.) I sketched for hours. (Note: this is a fairly large exaggeration.) I toiled and sweated. (Note: May or may not be true. I use a good anti-persperant. Hard to tell.) And the end result is simply a masterpiece.

The Brain Absorbing Sponge™ *

No more do we have to worry about lost gray matter, matted hair and stained clothing. No more do we need to worry about those embarassing moments in the check-out line at the grocery store when a polite little old lady taps us discreetly on the shoulder and whispers, “Dearie, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but your ‘brain friend’ is visiting.”  No more do we need to fret about how – after a full day of brain tissue loss – we will muster up the cognitive processes necessary for preparing dinner, helping with English homework or negotiating later bed-times with children who clearly spent all day at the Boalt School of Law honing their debate skills to laser-fine cutting accuracy.

Those worries are things of the past.

With the new Brain Absorbing Sponge™ you can be assured of plugging all brain leaks and avoiding spills and stains.

But wait! There’s more!

Now available: Brain Absorbing Sponge™ with Shoulder Mount (patent pending)!

Don’t waste valuable energy and appendages holding the Sponge against your head! With the new Shoulder Mount (patent pending) you’ll be hands free! Totally ready to make cell phone calls while driving! (Note: don’t do this.)

Allow the following illustrations to show you how your life will be better with the new Brain Absorbing Sponge™ with Shoulder Mount (patent pending).

I fully believe that this is the technology we’ve been waiting for. THIS is what will forward the Cause and shatter the glass ceiling.  THIS is what will finally give us the edge over the toddler and pre-teen crowd that we’ve been so desperate for.

And here’s the best part: Since this clearly improves the appearance and hygienic-ness of any environment, I can give myself Points for it! (Ok, that may just be the best part for me.)

I think the marketing potential is endless. Sky’s the limit. Truly I don’t know why no one thought of it before.

I promise to remember you all when I’m rich and famous.

*Not to be confused with contraceptive sponges. Contraceptive sponges should NOT be used to keep brains from leaking out of ears. Plus they don’t come with Shoulder Mounts (patent pending.)

This post linked with much silliness to “Works For Me Wednesday” at We Are THAT Family.
Also linked to “Tickled Pink Blog Hop” at 504 Main. But as blog hops don’t work here in the Twilight Zone, please Hop Back
to keep going!

42 comments

  1. You and I were clearly meant to be. Because I need one of these and you’ve got it.

    Patent Pending.

    PS The drawing board was my favorite.

    1. hee…we accuse people of having tumors every time they say they have a headache.

      It is possible that we think this is much funnier than most other people would.

  2. Hysterical!!! I was just blogging about marketing today…and I was just kind of making the point that most peoples’ brains are leaking EVERYWHERE. Especially into your inbox, your twitter, your facebook, your personal space…I could go on. Needless to say: I’d love a sponge!!! To stuff someone else’s ears. Not quite what it was designed for, I know. But I think it’s a new usage.

  3. I think those graphics are a must-use when it come time to pitch this product to a few big manufacturers.

    And the product disclaimer is key, as well.

  4. I could have used that when my kids were little. Maybe my hair wouldn’t have started going gray in my twenties (and I would have saved a fortune on hair color). See, I think what was happening is that the ‘gray matter’ in my brain was leaking out and coloring my hair that dull and boring color.
    Yep, you’ve found a need and filled it…

    …at least you’ve filled my need to laugh every day!

  5. I’m not sure my brains have ever leaked out. At least no one has ever told me if they have. But I’d like to start the brain leaking b/c I do not want to be left behind when this takes off.

    1. It is probably best to post warning signs when that happens. Or at least distribute flyers. As my mother always said, “One should always make efforts to minimize collateral damage.”

  6. The funniest part of your whole post was that you linked it to “Works For Me Wednesday” You have chutzpah my friend. Somehow I think your post will be quite unique : ) And now I have to also deal with the fact that you are a Rembrandt as well.
    Dana

    1. Oh dear…I hope no one gets offended!

      My posts are this weird blend of humor, home-making, and parenting. I’m never quite sure if they fit well in the link parties. But they’re fun, so I hope people enjoy them. I know I always enjoy the blogs I end up at. : )

      1. Oh no, don’t you worry, I was laughing when I wrote that. I think this post will be such a breath of fresh air, especially along side the potholders out of pipecleaners and recipes for homemade soap.
        Dana

    1. Things I am grateful for: That no one’s untimely death moved me into a Reader slot on another blogger’s list. : )

      But that is high praise indeed!

      And I win! I win! What do I win? I’ll take anything as long as it’s not a life-time supply of Rice-a-Roni.

  7. I don’t know if you can help me, cuz I think all my brains fell out when I gave birth to child number one.
    Loved the dramatic re-enactment!
    Just one question…does it come with “wings”?

  8. I bet you could pitch it to Wal-Mart and they’d sell it. To quote my son: “Wal-Mart has everything we need” and if you got them to sell this? Then they really WOULD have everything we need!

    Just found you. I like your thinking. A lot! Thanks for explaining my grey hair and worry lines!

  9. Hi Lori,
    Along the same line…one of my fav sayings that I attempted to brainwash (pun intended) my son with when he was growing up was: “Don’t be so open-minded that your brain falls out.”
    This was a great post…and the drawing is a riot. I see fame and fortune in your future (patent pending). Remember us little people…the unwashed masses…when Oprah calls.
    Susan

  10. I can hear the infomercial right now! Martha would never think of anything this necessary! Sign me up. I am willing to pay $19.95 but wait if you throw in a second one and magic putty the deal will be even sweeter and send sales through the roof.
    {sorry…so tired…it was funny in my mind when I typed it..hope t is funny when you read it!}

    1. SHHHHH!!!

      Actually, a few people have mentioned the ear-plug route. But, I prefer my way wherein I get to add a nifty shoulder mount (patent pending.) You wouldn’t need that with earplugs.

      And really, financial success in these sorts of situations is ALL about the add-ons. ; )

  11. Excellent idea! I have days when I could use one of those! The illustrations really make it compelling. I used to work at an invention marketing company, and honestly, this is better presented than some of the ideas we saw–and you can spell, too! You are bound to succeed.

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