Monday Potluck – Ants Extra

For reasons that are a mystery, “potluck” in my mind equates with “picnic,” and whenever I hear it, I imagine being outdoors, barbecuing.

I have no reason for this. I have no reason for many things. For instance, why do I hate for fuzzy things to touch my feet when I’m sleeping? I have no reason, I  just do.

For this reason, I come with an instruction manual. Which comes with its own wheelbarrow.

So here’s Monday’s Potluck. joyously linked to TexasHolly’s Potluck over at Potluck Nirvana! Wait, no, I mean June Cleaver Nirvana!

Let’s see what our first course is.

Google Goodness:

So what did Google decide for traffic diversion this week? “Epic crying poem,” is tucked in there. Which makes me think of “The Crying Game,” and that was epic enough, thank you very much. Also “Candice Olson’s handwriting” is BACK. And now I’m worried that I’m creating some sort of search-string-temporal-causality loop whereby the fact that I’ve mentioned it TWICE means that all people on the planet now desperately in search of information about the HGTV star’s penmanship will be directed here instead of where they meant to go. Although I don’t have the FOGGIEST clue where that could  possibly be.

Points for You!

Without a doubt, the winners of this weeks honorary Martha Points are Liz, from A Belle, A Bean and a Chicago Dog, and Laura, from Time to Make the Brownies. Anyone who would don sexy dresses, aprons and kitchen gear just to take a silly photo so I could write a funny blogpost about an imaginary mug-war deserves points, kudos and I’m-not-worthies up the wazoo. So Liz and Laura both get +25 points for their outrageously good humors and Dedication to the Cause. (I feel compelled to mention that I’ve never awarded myself +25 points for anything.)

The Evil Done by Cats:

This week The Evil Done By Cats will be brought to you in illustrated format.

At two o’clock in the morning, the cats will typically decide that the “Throttle the Fake Dead Mice to Death” game MUST be played against our bedroom door. Because all other places in our 2000 square foot house are absolutely inappropriate.

And for dessert, Triathlon Training Update:

Three actual workouts occurred this week, two runs and an ellip. (This is what my husband and I call an elliptical workout, because “elliptical workout” is too damn long a phrase after one has done one.) I’ll need to work up to 5-6 workouts per week by the beginning of August. I will be cranky then.

Alrighty then folks. Thanks for coming. Everyone have their respective tupperware? Cause it’s finder’s keepers around here. There’s a reason none of my dishware matches.

Hop back over to TexasHolly’s place to carry on the bloghop!


    1. No, not so much about the fun.

      Plus, I’m conviced that that whole endorphin thing is a myth invented by people who want to sell shoes.

  1. My personal blog got Googled via “cactus butt picking”…. ….

    And I feel your pain with the evil done by cats. While sleeping ever-so-peacefully the other night, my cat mistook my hand for a toy/mouse/piece of string/whatever and decided to have a hay day with it.

      1. Haha, I laughed when I saw it.

        Hand is good – no stitches, fingers intact. Good to go!

  2. I too have wondered about the self-fulfilling prophesy of mentioning odd Google searches only to be rewarded by more of the same. One of the reasons I rarely mention that “June Cleaver Nude” is one of my top 5 search terms for the entirety of my blog. Hopefully I have spread the love to you…just a little.

    Thanks for potlucking! Yours can totally be a picnic.

    1. Ok, who the hell out there is wanting to see June Cleaver nude???

      I’m all about the “‘whatever floats your boat,” but I’m sorry…that boat shouldn’t even be on the water.

  3. The cats against the door is hilarious! When we were growing up, we had two cats that did the same thing…brought back memories that are sweet now, not so much then…

  4. color me a total idiot, but how do you find out the google search stuff? I wanted to ask this last week, and felt like an assclown.


    1. In my WP blog, in the dashboard is a tab that says “Blog Stats,” and in that screen is a link to “search engine terms.” I click into there and then pick the funniest (or weirdest) to talk about. I have no shortage of material. What the heck are people doing with Google???

  5. Well I feel like a fat A sitting here just reading about your elip workout. Geez. I’m going to head to the floor and do a few crunches, now.

    p.s. thee Florence Henderson (sp?) story: My mother and her friends spent a summer in Hawaii. Remember The Brady Bunch Hawaii episodes? Huh huh? Yee-ah. They were there at that time. Her bff worked at the hotel they stayed at in the gift shop. She threw one major hissy fit to my mom’s bff that ended with “Don’t you know who I am??”

    So apparently her bff played dumb. “Who??”

  6. I am the queen of bizarre google searches, but most of them? I cannot reproduce here. And that is because I amuse myself my adding tags that suggest that porn will be found within my blog even though it (mostly) will not.

    And those frustrated porn seekers? They are hilarious.

    I giggle all the time at their efforts.

  7. Always enjoy your artistry in your posts. The drawings are just hilarious. As for your workout update, more power to you. It’s not for me at all but husband is a maniac about it. He cycles, runs and participates in mud-runs. So, though it’s not for me, I understand it and support you. Prepare and then run that marathon for all of us that can’t…er, won’t.

    1. Himself decided to start the events the year after I did. So of course, he out-trained me in about a month. It was less fun after that.

      And…”mud-runs?” Do YOU end up doing the laundry after those? If so, he SO owes you flowers and dinner out.

  8. Our cats—back when we used to have them— use to have midnight races back and forth in our tiny newlywed apartment, winding up with them racing to the top of our screen door that led onto the balcony. All night, every night.

    Key words: “used to”.

    Good luck in your training!

  9. Love the cat illustrations! Can you do one for me? My cat has decided, two nights in a row, to bring me a treat (you know, the part of the animal they won’t eat) and leave it right smack dab in the middle of the bedroom’s doorway! Guess who stepped on it in bare feet.

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