Ways Not to Celebrate

In college we used to say, “It wasn’t a party if no one ended up in the emergency room.”

That is because, in college, we were all complete idiots.

Sunday, as I mentioned, was our anniversary. I woke up to these:

Also, these were sort of our wedding colors. We did a "Moroccan garden" theme for our wedding.

Tucked into the blooms was this little critter.

Isn't he cute? You can tell it's a "he" from the blueness.

This is what we decided to do for the day:  head toward the coast to go to an artists’ co-op to buy a new piece of art for the house. This is an idea we stole from Himself’s sister and brother-in-law. Instead of gifts, we will pick out a new piece of art for the house every year. We like this idea.

So we headed west.

We stopped first at an organic bakery, split a chocolate scone and wandered around this little garden.

The tempting path only goes as far as it looks. Like I said, LITTLE garden.

Then we hopped back in the car and headed wester.

When we got to the artists’ co-op, we discovered that it has shifted its emphasis more towards yarns and textiles. Which, although lovely, wasn’t quite what we were looking for.

So we headed up the street to another shop and found this funky bowl which we’ve decided will become a birdbath in the yard.

There's something about the sleeping faces that says "peaceful." Or else it says, "Birds, we're watching you take baths!"

Then we pushed a car out of a ditch. Yes, a poor girl who parked by the side of the road had a tire slip off the pavement into open space. Four of us pushed the car back onto the road. I was the only one wearing a skirt (which was appropriate seeing as how I was the only woman) and of course I’m the only one who ended up with schmutz on themselves. Figures.

Then as we walked back to the car, flush with our car-rescue-and-recovery efforts, we stopped in an antique glass store and bought a few things.

This is a Martin Luther King Jr. bottle. I have no awareness of there being MLK Jr. memorial glass-ware, and I only picked this up initially because of the lovely color. Then I realized what it was and saw the back:

Not sure how readable that is, so allow me to help: “Non-Violence is the answer.” And so I decided I had to have it. It now sits in the garden. Not that we had a violent garden to  begin that needed instructions embossed on a bottle in order to keep the peace, but it’s just a sentiment that bears repeating, lots. In general. Especially as far as my cats are concerned. But 1)the bottle is outside, and 2) the cats can’t read (I don’t think) so I have to tell them verbally anyway. “HEY!” I yell at Nimbus as he is pouncing on Topaz and she is screaming like a banshee, “Non-Violence is the answer!” I do believe my cats would have tried the patience of even the good Dr. King.

And finally, I bought these:

And now you’re trying to be polite, right? Cause you’re thinking, “Ummm…is that an ashtray?” And if you could see it a little more clearly, you’d also being saying, “And does it say ‘Nugget Casino’ on it?” And I would happily say, “Yes!” to both those questions. And here is where you look at me funny and ask why I am spending money at antique glass stores on ashtrays.

And I say to you: “I have a plan!”

And you say, “Lori, you always have a plan, and that is why we are always nervous.”

And I concede that you are totally right.

But “I have a plan!” is all I’m going to say about the ashtray at this time. So there!

And right about now you’re wondering why I mentioned emergency rooms at the beginning of the post. And first you thought the car stuck in the ditch led to the emergency room. Nope! And then maybe the ashtray suggested a trip to see people dressed in scrubs all moving quickly. Wrong again!

About five in the evening, just as we were leaving to go meet friends for cocktails before having our very swanky dinner, I started feeling some stomach pains. Nothing too bad, but I noticed. They got a little worse over the evening, nothing I couldn’t handle. We had our drinks, visited with friends (co-incidentally, the very same friends we were with before I came down with malaria on Easter. Very suspicious.) Then Himself and I headed over to the restaurant, had our prime rib dinner, and headed home.

By this time I was downright uncomfortable. And then by midnight I was doubled over on the floor.

Do I know how to party, or what?

By morning it was a bit better but still pretty bad, so we headed to the doctor’s office, who sent us over to the emergency room (although by this time I had had a few injections for pain, so I was better…and incoherent.) The words “gall stones” and “surgery” were being thrown around. I’m thinking in my head how switching my job last fall has left me without sick-time and how the timing of all this sucks. But mostly I want to not be in pain any longer. I don’t like pain. It hurts.

But the sonogram looked okay, the labwork didn’t show anything scary. They gave me the option of trying to manage it with pain meds for a few days and see if cleared up on its own, and I ran with that suggestion. Ran. Out of the ER and home where I then fell asleep for…a few days maybe? A week? I’m sure we haven’t entered a new ice age. Do robots control the earth yet?

And it’s better today.

But Himself is banning prime rib from the menu for…ever? Maybe not. But certainly not any time soon.

Next year I’d like to celebrate a little less interestingly.

32 comments

  1. Oh no! How awful! I hope you are fully OK.

    As for our “conversation”…I enjoyed having it with you, though you were expecting me to be a lot kinder with my ponderings about your ashtray.

    1. “What the @$#! are you doing with an ashtray” sort of ponderings, maybe?

      But I promise to actual ash will be coming anywhere near it.

      And am getting better. Stayed home again today where I am sitting on my arse with a laptop watching bad tv.

      If I could nibble on chocolate while doing that, it might be the perfect day. But..umm…no.

  2. Nugget casino forever!

    Can’t wait to see what comes of your cramp induced delirium and that ashtray.

    PS I’d post more but the robots are watching.

  3. I think the former owner of the ashtray got caught counting cards in the 70’s and his ending was not as peaceful as MLK hoped. Now your ashtray is haunted and the owner is not taking kindly to the pending bedazzling which explains the mysterious stomach pain.

    1. Nope…no cigarettes. The ashtray has evolved. Or, is evolving. Er…will be evolved? Is evolvulating?

      What’s the future imperfect form of evolved?

  4. That ashtray rocks. I don’t smoke and neither does hubby…but what a cool thing to have for visitors (who have to smoke outside!). I love the MLK piece and would’ve bought it just for the color – it’s beautiful.

    I love the idea of buying art for your anniversary – I might have to mention it to hubby in September :)

    1. Yes, that’s just what I thought! “That Natalie! She’s so rude! The nerve! She should be sending me flowers now!”

      ‘Cause that’s just how I think. Sure. ;)

      And am getting better. Didn’t even take any of the meds today. But can’t really eat chocolate either, which is my favorite thing to do when I’m not feeling well. So that sorta sucks. Ah well!

      And you are lovely at all times, dear one. Worry not.

  5. The nibbling on chocolate may not turn out so good. Hubby had a gallstone attack and it was vicious, we thought he was having a heart attack. They also could not find anything, he has since had to watch his diet carefully. If not, the pain returns.
    I’m very intrigued with the ashtray project?
    We too bought art for the first six or so years to mark our anniversary, and then it slid to items like garage doors (my favourite) and now cards. I think we need to get back to the original plan.
    Take care of yourself,
    Dana

    1. Well, I can sort of understand the garage door thing. But just cards? No, I recommend you and the Argonomist get back to art.

      And I’m not so happy with this whole pain thing. I love food!

  6. Well, personally I like that birdbath that no one has mentioned yet. I feel sorta sorry for it since nobody seems to appreciates it.

    And oh man! I hope your tummy starts feeling better quick. There nothing worse than stomach pain! Wish they could make Grown Up medicine that tasted like chocolate—maybe we can get the robots to work on that for us.

    1. It’s sort of a quirky piece. But then, we’re pretty quirky.

      And I’m really hoping for a speedy resolution to this whole stupid stomach pain thing. I’ve spent the day hungry but afraid to eat.

      I’m going to draft a memo to the robots.

  7. You’ve got to take that celebrating easy, girl! No more wild trip to artist studios and dinner’s out for you – you obviously can’t handle it. Seriously, though, I’m glad you are feeling better.

    1. It didn’t seem like the art touring was going to be so hazardous to my health!

      PS – I copied that recipe so we can have it soon. It looks scrumptious. But maybe not today. :(

  8. I totally pictured you sliced open by shards of antique glass.

    I have a few pieces of carnival glass (on the left here) from Grandma. It was cheapo then but is lovely now.

  9. I may have to stop reading your blog because I get more homesick for CA with each photo you post. What a fun day it sounds like (for the most part!) and I love all the pieces you bought.

    I hope you are going to smash the ashtray to bits and make a Martha-esque mosaic tchotchkie out of the pieces?????

    Hope you’re feeling better. :)

    1. I think the birds (and the fae) will indeed be quite happy.

      And I’m so sorry about kidlet! Owie! I could barely stand it, I can’t imagine a wee one living through it. Poor sweetness.

  10. Is that birdbath sitting on the ground? Well, good thing that Ginger seems not to be around anymore, otherwise you’d have all those bird carcasses in your yard (I’m talking from experience). And that is the ONLY good thing about her disappearance.

    Ouch, those stomach pains. Since you already had them before dinner, it can’t be the prime rib! I suspect the bakery – if it is the one I’m thinking about, their sinfully delicious (but fatty) scones and sticky buns did give me some stomach pains (though not that severe). I’m glad you’re better and I hope it stays like this.

    1. Oh dear…I hadn’t realized that Ginger’s been missing. No idea what happened? Aww…

      And I hadn’t even thought about what a birdbath on the ground would mean, but we have so many birds who eat the scatter on the ground anyway, not sure we’d been making anything worse.

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