Introducing: The Stupid Tax

This is truly an overdue concept. Originally the idea of a friend of mine some years ago, I think it’s time to formalize it.

How many times have you been annoyed at people for:

  • Wasting your time?
  • Draining your energy?
  • Squandering your resources?
  • Tainting your aura?
  • Breathing your air?

Have you ever wished you had some way to recoup your loss (be it time, energy, resources, aura or air)?

Look no further. We have your answer.

The Stupid Tax.

Here are a few examples of how you might apply the Stupid Tax.

While shopping for your family, the person in front of you discovers they have forgotten their wallet. No biggie, you forget your wallet sometimes, too. But then they ask you to wait while they call their husband to come…from home. BWAM! Stupid Tax: $10. No, I do  not have time to wait while your husband DRIVES to the supermarket to pay for your Fruity Pebbles and mallowmars.

The cable repair guy enters your home to repair the dead satellite system. He crawls under the house to check the cable, then proceeds to track mud on every square inch of your carpet. When he sees you staring incredulously at your floor, he asks, “Did I do that?” BWAM! $20 Stupid Tax. No, I do not let my own family track mud through the house like a herd of rutting moose.

After working for eleventy-hundred hours on your project and finding yourself down to the final copying and collating, your co-worker interrupts the job so they can photocopy the latest LOLCat and tack it to their bulletin board. As you survey the mound of paper that is the  half-finished copy job that you have no idea how to resume, the co-worker says, “Oh, were you in the middle of something?” BWAM! $50 Stupid Tax. Why yes, in fact, I was in the middle of something MEANT TO EARN THE COMPANY ACTUAL MONEY.

The uses are endless.

The stamp is meant to be applied to the forehead of the person having the Stupid Tax levied against them. Because as much as I want the revenue, I want less stupidity even more. And perhaps this will cause some actual learning to happen.

Apply for your license here. Tell me who you would levy the Stupid Tax against. Hypothetical circumstances are fine. You don’t have to name names. Unless you want to.

36 comments

  1. I’d like to apply the Stupid Tax against people who don’t put their blinkers on and leave me playing chicken with them as I try and decide which way their going to turn in an intersection.

  2. A license please! I have a plumber that cut a hole in our brand new tiled wall! A HOLE!
    But hark, as I type the fancy fix-it man just knocked to fix-it up.
    Still $600 stupid tax to the plumber!

  3. This goes nicely with my theory that all traffic tickets could be replaced with the STUPID TICKET. It isn’t the person driving 45 in a 40 zone that causes problems…it is the STUPID person that may not actually be breaking laws, but is certainly not paying attention.

  4. Oh, where to begin. How about the daycare worker who, when Alex and I walked in without an umbrella and completely dry, looked his jacket-less outfit over and declared “It was RAINING out when I came in.” Well, it’s not now. You can tell by how we’re dry. The kid is attired just fine for 70 degrees and sunny, thank you.

  5. My list would get long if I really gave it some thought, but I’ll start with people who stop in the aisle, sidewalk, doorway, bottom of the stairs etc and don’t realize (don’t care?) that there is possibly a line of others behind them.

  6. I’d really need more than this little box to list everybody I can think of that needs to get the stupid tax. Seriously.

    I think that you should turn this into a weekly meme – I can tell you it would be a HUGE success!

    1. Truly…once you start thinking about the list it gets a little mindboggling, doesn’t it?

      So…License for you!

      And I hadn’t even thought of making it a regular feature…funny idea!

  7. can you run for office? even president, perhaps? you’d fix the economic crisis in a snap. plus, sarah palin ain’t got nuthin’ on YOU!

      1. I always wondered if Putin was doing some weird “Wack-a-Mole” thing when she said that.

        And I can see a storm drain from my house. Doesn’t quite have the same international flair, though…

  8. How about the salesperson at Abercrombie kids who was so braindead from inhaling cologne fumes that in response to, “Excuse me miss, can you tell me what number sizes your S, M, L correlate to?” responds, “Um, like, I don’t know, like, I think small is, like, a 10 and, like, um, medium is, like a, um, 16.” Really? Thanks. I’ll go ask someone who can focus her eyes on me for more than a nano-second.

  9. I would apply stupid tax to nearly everyone I’m ever behind when I order at Corner Bakery. I nearly always leave with a headache from clenching my jaws too tight and fake smiling. I’m actually a very nice person, but that place induces a decision making disorder in people. :)

    BTW, Dave Ramsey has an entire section on his website called Stupid Tax. In that case it refers to money you have wasted through your own stupidity.

    1. Oohh…taxing a bakery. Harsh, but sounds like it’s necessary.

      License for you.

      And I hadn’t thought about applying the tax that way. I don’t care for it. I’m sure I’d be broke.

  10. I would wear out the stamp on people. I focus more on the stupid things people say like the BP head guy saying he would like to have his life back when the gulf coast people are suffering and people died in the explosion. Seriously. I’m also amazed when I see a parent hitting their kid (who hit someone else) saying “we don’t hit” (as they hit their kid. I could go on and on. If you made this a regular feature, we could add the most stupid thing we saw that week/month. We wouldn’t have to look far.

    1. Truth be told, it’s inevitable that if someone HAD such a stamp, we’d all find our foreheads aching from it at some point.

      But I prefer to think about levying it more than how I would have to pay.

      And I like all your suggestions. So, license for you!

  11. I would like a license to assess a stupid tax on some of my “friends”, who thinly veil their absolute USE AND ABUSE of me by texting me on a Saturday a.m. (never happens) asking one of my kids over for a playdate. 15 minutes before the playdate, I get another text saying “gosh, I totally forgot that I have a birthday party to go to with hubby right now…you don’t mind if my inlaws watch your kid and mine on the playdate, do you?”

    And THEN, 2 days later, emails me asking my OTHER kid over for a playdate on a particular day [begging for it, actually] but we can’t seem to make the dates work. Today, I get another email, where she’s begging me, and 4 other moms, to watch HER kid while she runs an afternoon summer camp.

    Use and abuse. If you want to USE me for something, at least have the balls to just SAY you need my help, instead of “disguising” your motives. You are an intellectual peon compared to me, lady. Don’t think I’m not on to you.

    License, please? I feel much better, since I can’t share this one on my own Friday Flipoffs. She might read it. I agree this should be a meme. Maybe we could do a combo Flipoffs/Stupid Tax?

  12. Hey! Came over from Kris’s place and think I’ll stay a while (don’t worry, I won’t make a mess)!

    As for the Stupid Tax, I’d like to tax a couple of my student’s parents who are of the mind that “Jimmy can do no wrong – if you teachers would just treat him as a prince like we do he wouldn’t be failing Language Arts nor would he be in detention 4 days a week.”

    I’ll be back and I’ll try and let you know when I stop by cause I don’t wanna be a stalker.

    Plus also – I want me some martha points!!

    1. Any friend of Kris’ is a friend of mine!

      And I’ve worked in schools, I know those parents. Argh! License for you!

      And I’m pretty generous with points for everyone but myself, so odds are in your favor.

  13. I have to wait till I get my refund from this company, but after that this “live agent” totally deserves it. I have been in contact a million times with him. He always asks what time I am available for him to “call” and I tell him specifically…”anytime today, EXCEPT between 11:30 and 12:30″. I cannot tell you the number of times he tries to “call” at 11:40! Aargh!
    Can he be taxed every time he does it? (Kind of like a sales tax?)

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