The One Where I Don’t Get to Use the Title I Want.

Cause this is a family blog.

But the fact that I can’t use the title I really want is killing me. The title I really want will  become evident in a few paragraphs. As will why I can’t use it. Because as much as I love lots of visitors and lots of comments, some traffic and some comments just really need to avoid this neighborhood. This neighborhood won’t actually be interesting to that traffic, and I find that disgruntled web-surfers can be a surly bunch.

And now I am going to do the Martha Points ChaChaCha….darnit, where did I leave my maracas?


(I always yell at the cats when I’m annoyed. Sometimes they haven’t done whatever it is I’m yelling at them for, but on a practical level, odds are in my favor.)

I live in a yellow house.

I did not seek out a yellow house. Yellow houses don’t speak to me on a personal level. What spoke to me was four bedrooms in a really good neighborhood, and yellow just came along for the ride.

Now let me be clear, I don’t object to yellow houses. I don’t go around mocking them or trying to make them feel inadequate. I don’t knock on the doors of strangers in yellow houses and say things like, “Really, have you considered a nice medium gray?”

But my house is yellow, which is okay.

The front door, however, was red.

The red I objected to.

I don’t like red and yellow together in decorating. It makes me think of ketchup and mustard. It makes me look at my house and think, “Wow, my house looks like a giant hotdog.” It makes me look at the evergreen shrubs and think, “That could be relish.” It makes me think of lots of gullet-torturing flavor combinations that belong at kids’ parties or major league sporting events.

You’d think a front door color would be an easy fix. Especially given my intimate relationship with paint. There are some rooms in my house that have been painted – not kidding – four times since we moved in.

And somehow my husband still speaks to me. It’s amazing, no?

But what else can I do? My taste is “Million dollar remodel!” My wallet is “Gallon o’ Glidden.”

So why live with the condiment door for so long?

Couldn’t pick a color.

White? No…Fine for the trim, don’t want to have to be perpetually cleaning a door.

Forrest green? With yellow? Screams Oakland A’s.

Blue? With yellow? Too country kitchen. Bandana wearing geese will stalk me.

Brown? Orange? Purple? Pink? Turquoise? Magenta? Burnt Siena?

(Now I  have “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” stuck in my head.)

Then one day, while reading a magazine, I saw a gorgeous door. Bright. Funky. I carried the picture outside and put the photo against the pale yellow of my house.


(Once upon a time I sung first soprano in that piece. Now I think I sing second tenor.)

So here is a picture of the new door. Er, the new door color. Same door.

We also replaced the light fixture, as we were never really fans of the old-fashioned lantern-style. PLUS, we had a set of exposed wires outside the garage door that was meant to be a light fixture so we put the old one there. At least, we’re fairly certain it was meant to be a light fixture, it’s possible that we were meant to install a Maytag dishwasher over there, but we sometimes don’t pick up on the subtle decorating clues that the house tries to share with us. (Like, “Brown? Really? Football brown? You think you’re going to be happy with that? You like painting just for exercise? Is that it?” Sometimes the house is so enigmatic.)

Now we need a new doormat, though.

But back to the door. I love this green! I love how bright and clean it is. It tempts me to put a pretty little potted plant there, though. Which is not good. Why? Because no one will water it. We will all walk into the house and say to ourselves, “Look, that pretty little potted plant needs watering.” Then we will walk inside and say, “Oooh, is that indoor plumbing?” and completely forget about the desiccating little plant on the doorstep.

Maybe someday I will find something charming and funky that I can put there that will not require any sort of maintenance to balance out the pretty green and the empty space. But for now I’m just going to sit back and marvel at how my house no longer looks like something you’d shove down your gullet at a ball park.

And what of points, you ask?

Like I’d forget the points! (Except I that I almost did.)

For scraping, sanding, doorknob removing, taping, priming and applying three coats of paint I award myself: +7 Martha Points

Bringing my new total to: +29 points

There will be a little more cha-cha-ing now, yes there will be!

Oh, and about that title? Well, let’s just say that any title that might have the words “behind” and “green” and “door” in the same sentence belongs NOWHERE NEAR a humor blog about decorating.

This post linked to the “Word Up, Yo!” Blog Hop, which won’t work here in WP.COM land, so hop back over to A Belle, A Bean and a Chicago Dog, Taming Insanity, or Mommy of  a Monster to keep playing!

This post also happily linked to “Works for Me Wednesday” at We Are THAT Family!


  1. First? I love you–you made me laugh and you lightened my load.

    Second? I’m thinking you could have left the door red and invested in a Ronald McDonald statue to greet everyone. ;)

    I will probably giggle all night about the bandana wearing geese. Brilliant!

    1. I’m glad to give you a laugh!

      And wow…Ronald McDonald. Decorating choice I hadn’t even considered!

      I do think I would max the scale out in the NEGATIVE direction where I to go that route.

  2. Looks lovely and fresh!

    Now, I have some painting that needs doing if you’re still interested in points….

    Nice use of the WOW! btw.

    1. Outside jobs need to be scheduled through my agent.

      And I have a strict M&M’s at all time policy.

      It’s part of my Diva Contract.

  3. Bummer about!

    Since I found you, this might be the highest points total I’ve seen.

    My fave line in this whole post was “bandana wearing geese will stalk me”- HAHAHA!

    1. I made it to the high 40’s once.

      Then came down with (not kidding) strep, bronchitis and pneumonia and did nothing to the house for like two weeks.

      Oh, how the mighty did fall!

  4. I love it, screams California, which in your case is quite appropriate. Here is would have looked like a lost popsicle in the freezer. We love pictures at Bungalow’56. I’m so happy I found another plant free blogger. I only bring Bamboo stalks into my home….from IKEA of course.

    1. Darnit…now I want popsicles.

      And I’m fine with plants in the back yard, because i can SEE them from the family room. When they start to wilt, I go a-runnin’ with the hose.

      Front yard? Not a chance.

      I don’t need the guilt!

  5. When you mentioned that you had a yellow house with a red door, I thought the same thing: mustard and ketchup.

    But my favorite line was the Oakland A’s color scheme. I bet that somewhere out there there are die hard fans that have painted their houses in their favorite sports teams colors.

    Good thing our house is brick. ; )

      1. Just saw tons of brick houses up in Gold Country of CA (Grass Valley, Nevada City etc.). And always thought “What about earthquakes???” Hmmm…

      2. Now that I think about it, in England they did get a little monotonous after a while…

        But a few! A few would be pretty! (But, as BN pointed out, perhaps a little irrational on a fault line.)

  6. I have to admit I liked yellow and red together until you had me picturing the bushes as blobs of relish – funny! I like the new door color. Red says, “come in were perfectly normal,” while pale green whispers, “Yeah, we’re a little funky but you’ll get used to us.” Plus, it’s Summery!

    1. Happy you found me!

      And no prob about the green…clearly NOT a color for all. In fact, Himself and I were saying, “When we sell the house, the agent is going to make us paint the door.”

      But, painting over that green is going to be a zillion times easier that painting over the red.

      Oy were my arms tired.

  7. I think you could be the gullet frontrunner now as your description was spot on.

    Hopefully you will remain happy with your green door Ms. Gallon O’ Glidden for a few months and not decide to repaint when something else strikes your fancy. If you do, you will have to disclose it to your readers and deduct the appropriate number of points.

    1. As soon as hot dogs came up, I knew i was on the right track.

      And yes, painting the wrong color (multiple times even, like I did in the bedroom) definitely loses me points.

      So far I’m still good with the green.

  8. love the new color! i’m getting “coastal blue” siding put on my house this very week and can’t figure out what color to paint my door! any suggestions Ms. Gallon O’ Glidden? and forget yellow – i don’t want no stinkin geese stalkin me either!!

    1. Down with blue and yellow! Down with bandana wearing geese!

      I bet a sage-y green (green with lots of gray) would be lovely. Or a gray, also…the color of driftwood. Would go with the whole coastal theme.

      How exciting to have a new house color!! (That was too big a job for us…and our pocketbooks.)

  9. I love that your cat is named Nimbus! I would not have been brave enough to choose that color. I am a color wimp and then I am always unhappy for not choosing a bolder color. It looks fantastic. Very unhot dog like.
    Fake plants? They would likely lose points.

    1. There are no white walls in our house.


      We have some cream colored walls where we really have to have light colors, but no white. None.

      Never again!

  10. Love the door. Love it. Thanks you to I’ll be singing “I look handsome I look smart. . . I am a walking work of art. . .” all day long. ;)

  11. I too, am a fan of the paint, and also have rooms that have been painted three or more times. Quick and cheap decorating!

    The door is fantastic – love the color!! And use of the WOW!

    1. At least I’ve gotten faster at realizing a color is bad. I can tell now in about a wall and a half, so at least we’ve abandoned ship on the last few bad colors without painting every square inch in a room.

      So, that’s helpful. Right?

    1. Oh you’re not kidding! And did you see all the little grooves and decorative insets in that door? Argh!

      Not to mention having to tape plastic over the doorway to keep the bugs out. (Which, incidentally, I forgot about and almost walked into on my way out of the house the next morning.)

  12. I love that color!!! It reminds me cucumbers for some reason (I’m weird, don’t try to make rhyme or reason of that comparison). I must be some kinda prude and no one told me cause I had to google that movie title. LOL.

    1. Oh dear!

      I almost put an advisory there, that if you didn’t recognize the reference to NOT GOOGLE IT.

      But then I was worried that that was essentially telling everyone to Google it immediately.

      No winning here. Nope.

      PS – I love cucumbers.

  13. I used to live in a town in the rural South wear one of my neighbors’ geese wore much more than just bandanas. She’d dress them up depending on her mood or the weather or nearing holidays. My favorite was always her annual Easter display, when she’d mount one of her beloved lawn ornaments to a cross. True story.

    1. Well, nothing says “Easter” to me better than the crucifixion of a bandana wearing goose.

      We just do chocolate eggs. Are we doing it wrong?

  14. I never realized just how much problems a yellow house could cause for door color choices.

    I think I will avoid yellow houses in the future. Not all of them…just buying one for myself.

    I think you solved the problem though, and it looks great!

    1. Yellow is quite the conundrum. And I was so cavalier when we bought the house.

      “Oh don’t like that door color, I’ll change that toute suite.”

      Then ensued four years of color agony.

      Silly moi.

  15. Hi. Nice to meet you. I saw your blog on Bungalow 56 site and had to check it out.

    I love the door. Well I like anything green, but that does look really nice! Good luck with the plant thing…maybe a fake one?

    1. Nice to meet you too! And I love Dana! She is just one of the loveliest people ever.

      And I thought about a fake plant, as I could at least not kill it.

      Although I did once water a fake ficus. Which caused the paper in the base to rot.

      So, never mind. Apparently I can kill the fake ones too.

  16. I am loving the green door. With the pale yellow backdrop, it calls to mind breezy, beachy chic. Score! Although if I was the one giving credits, I’d give you a heckuva lot more than 7 measly points for sanding, scraping and applying 3 coats of paint. But I guess that’s why I didn’t go into teaching. I’m sure ‘the Man’ would not agree with my definition of ‘curve.’ ;)

    1. Ok, deleted like nine responses to your comment because they all came out way in ways that I didn’t mean them.

      Apparently I am too tired to make a joke with the word “curve” in it that doesn’t suggest a blog far more in line with the title I didn’t get to use.

      Sometimes I just shouldn’t be let out of the closet.

  17. I love red but not that red; more of a cheery cherry red. I loved yellow and red together until this post. I never thought of the ketchup/mustard thing. Good thing I recently painted my entry and changed from yellow to cream because after reading this, I would have never gotten that out of my head. Instead of a plant, find or think of some kind of cool architectural sculpture thingy that could go there or a little bench against the wall. Yeah, the geese comment cracked me up too! Love the new door color.

    1. Yes, we’re on the lookout from some funky little statue thing that’ll fit in that corner.

      And I love all the things you keep doing to your house. It’s why I love your blog so much!

  18. Oh, very pretty. I like the light green with the yellow – very unexpected. Have you thought about a bundle of pussy willow twigs by the front door. The pussy willow part stays that way if you keep them out of water and the white would add a litte interest.

  19. I have an even better idea – have pussy willow in the winter and have heather in the summer. If you let a heather plant dry out the purple flowers stay on the plant (sort of dried out but still really pretty), although they will fall off if they are knocked into. The purple colour would look amazing with the yellow and green.

    1. I actually thought about lavender! I thought the purple would be lovely next to the yellow and the green too!

      We are inspired, that’s what we are!

  20. Doors are so important. I kind of want to change my color every week. Right now it is purple…I like the color you picked…it is always so dismal here I want a fun color. Great job!

    1. If my house had been a gray of ANY kind, I would totally have gone with a nice, deep purple. (Purple is my favorite color!)

      Yellow was just so AWKWARD.

      But I do love the new green. Way funky!

  21. GREAT post!!! Loved it! Really.

    Okay, now that I got that out of the way, my favorite part was when I saw the new color and saw the doormat and though “ugh” and then saw that you made the SAME observation. You need a new doormat. How many Martha Points will that get you? I want to see pics! :-)

    ~ Alyna

    1. The doormat’s days are numbered, it’s really driving me crazy how much it DOESN’T go with the new green.

      You have a good eye there, missy!

  22. Gee thanks for getting the Joseph song stuck in my head! That’s my alltime favorite musical!!

    Your finished project looks great!!

    1. GREAT pieces of music in that there Broadway hit! (I even have a couple on my iPod for workouts.)

      And thank you for the kind compliment!

  23. I love the whole hot dog comparison with your red door. I actually thought the red door was awesome-ness… does that make me weird?! Now the new door is cute too, lemon and lime :)

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