I actually do a mean Julia Child impersonation. It’s awe-inspiring.
One thing I don’t talk about a lot on the blog is cooking. Mostly because…well…I cook really well. I don’t have to think about it. It’s easy. Which means that it’s not really all that funny. Despite the Martha-y-ness of all things home prepared, it just doesn’t occur to me to blog about cooking because I can’t really see where it will be entertaining for anyone. (Unless I’m making a crepe cake, because THAT is funny. Me making crepes is funny. By definition.)
But I invented a new recipe. I do this a lot, but mostly I can’t remember them. So when my family says things like, “Wow! We should have this again!” I pretty much ignore them because I know I won’t be able to.
But this one is too simple and too memorable. It was inspired by a recipe we saw for ginger-scallion sauce. This recipe can be found in its entirety here.
And, as it turns out, the act of trying to be a food photographer and food blogger went a little less smoothly than I meant it to. Which totally upped the entertainment value.
Take two ounces of ginger and four ounces of scallions and pulse in food processer until very fine:
While you are doing this, set two chicken breasts in a shallow pot of water with some ginger chunks (not pictured), a few smashed garlic cloves (not pictured), a few extra scallions cut into large pieces (not pictured) and 1 tsp. of salt (not pictured). See how great I am at this?
ALSO, poaching should typically be bone-in breasts. It takes a little longer, but the meat stays much more tender. These are boneless though, which I decided to use due to the seeing as how I didn’t have any other kind.
I set the timer for six minutes. After some time it occurred to me, “shouldn’t that timer be going off?” and when I glanced at the oven, realized that I had set it for 6 hours. Which would have resulted in chicken-jerky. I’m glad I noticed.
Now, in a largish soup-size bowl, mix the ginger and the scallion and salt them (and this is a quote from the recipe): “like they called your mother a bad name.” It turns out that in my house, calling my mother a bad name earns you just shy of two teaspoons of salt. Mix well.
While you are doing that, heat 1/2 cup of corn or peanut oil (NOT canola or olive, which of course is what Himself and I purchased the first time we decided to try this recipe) in a small pot until you JUST see wisps of smoke.
Now stop referring to yourself in the third person.
After I turned on the CORRECT burner, I stared intently at it, because heating up oil always freaks me out.
Once I saw the first wisps of smoke, I pulled the pot off the burner and poured it slowly over the ginger/scallion/salt mixture. It boils.
This needs to cool a bit, so now we move on to other things.
Boil these. I’m not going to say any more about it than that. Read the directions. I have faith in you.
This is a pile of sliced chicken. Cut in whatever manner suits your fancy. I cut each breast in half, then in narrow-ish slices. I have no reason for this. The size just spoke to me. Zen-like. In whatever Zen-like way boiled chicken is capable of speaking.
Now here is where I tried to take another picture of the sauce, only to realize that the camera battery was dead. So I figured I could load the battery in the charger for a few minutes and at least get enough charge to take my last few photos. So I sprinted down the hall. Halfway down the hall I realized that I had just left the kitchen in the care of two cats while I had diced chicken on the counter. I sprinted back to the kitchen. At which point I realized that I could not herd cats with the camera around my neck. So then I WAY sprinted down the hall to deposit the camera on the bed, and sprinted even faster (which I would not have previously thought was possible) back to the kitchen to evict the cats. Which I did. Then I loaded the battery into the charger. Then I considered passing out and leaving the whole rest of the dish undone.
But it was a potluck, I was expected to bring something.
So back to the kitchen, where noodles are boiling, sauce is cooling, and chicken is…uh…well, drying out, frankly, if I don’t get my arse in gear.
So now I pull these out from the fridge:
No. Not really. Sorry.
Quartered mushrooms that I had marinating in teriyaki sauce overnight. They were scrumptious. They come later. But I wanted to show them to you now.
So once the noodles are cooked, drain.
But that’s another post. I didn’t want to distract myself, so I kept the field of view narrow.
So now, we have these things:
For the sake of this arrangement, I did not want to add the zombie eyeballs…er…mushrooms just yet. I needed it to sit for an hour or two before serving and I didn’t want the teriyaki flavor to take over the dish. So I mixed everything but the zombie eyeballs (which I drained and brought with me) and then it looked like this:
Then later, once I was at our little work soiree, I threw it all into a lovely bowl, sprinkled the pickled zombie eyeballs on top, and then it looked like this:
It is also, however, nameless.
This post happily linked to “Tasty Tuesdays” at A Beautiful Mess!