Hellloooooo Lovely Readers!
(You should be hearing Julia Child when you read that. I realize that you might not actually hear Julia Child if I don’t tell you that you should, but that’s what I’m here for is to perform these important little public services.)
And speaking of public services! Today it’s “Ask Not-Martha Day!”
(Imagine something really spiffy here, like say, frogs doing the can-can while confetti falls.)
Our first question today comes from The Suniverse.
You’ll be relieved to know that attitude does not enter into the Martha Points calculation. IPoMP cannot dictate what you think. For instance, you could think that Emeril is a loud, blowhard of a chef that does nothing interesting beyond yelling BAM at his food, but still love to prepare his short ribs because I swear to god angels wept the day that recipe entered this earthly plane. So you can think whatever grumbly, dissatisfied thought you like. No penalty.
Our next question tonight comes from the ever lovely KLZ from Taming Insanity.
For the sheets, that’s a good +6 Martha Points, although it seems you might be tempted to let that slide a little. NO SLIDING. Sliding is a sure fire way to hell, brimstone and a raging case of gingivitis. For not letting yourself or your husband eat in bed, well, as long as you’re washing the sheets every week frankly I think you’re being a little draconian there, don’t you?
Next we have the always delightful Not Just Another Jennifer from Midwest Momments.
Ok, due to the lag in the publishing industry, this question was actually asked about two weeks ago. So it’s possible that Jennifer’s stats have improved since then. But I’ll answer this question as if just asked. Jennifer, assuming that the pre-school did not need to alert any protective agencies, that you ended up with a child that was actually yours at the end of the day, and the child in question has not started calling other random women “Mommy,” you’re all good. No penatly.
Next up we have..umm…darn, you know, I have a lot of blogging friends whose names I actually don’t know. So here we have What The… From What the Heck Am I Doing 24-7?
Oh, Martha Points AND Mommy Points. Someone is clearly planning a coup somewhere. For the sandwich name cutting you get +5 Martha Points with a +2 Mommy Point bonus. For heading off a labor uprising in the dishware district (and that’s a NASTY territory, let me tell you) you get +6 points. As for the dining table, well…if you can get yourself in there before heavy earth moving equipment is necessary you can avoid a fairly harsh -10 point deduction, but it sounds like maybe you’re having to improvise with other horizontal surfaces just to find eating space, and you really don’t get any points for setting the children up for dinner on the back of the toilet. But keep at it. You’ve clearly got potential.
And finally, we have Jen, our own fabulous Next Martha, whose question came via Twitter.
You installed a new floor? Ok, we are clearly in the presence of something a little out of my daily points calculations depths. Let me just pull out my handbook here….fabric… fez… fins… finales… figleaves…here it is! Floor! And with a self-installation rider as a bonus that…carry the two…That’s +30 Martha Points! However, for making the rest of us look bad, I’m levying a -7 point penalty.
That wraps up this edition of Ask Not-Martha! Keep those questions coming and those brooms busy! If you don’t know what a broom is, you need to stay after class to chat with me. And bring a mocha. I’m parched.