So I’m a filthy liar, am I?
Well, yes, fine. I am. I prefer to think of myself as “factually creative.”
But am I a good liar?
Which tall tales were the lies, and where was the one truth?
Is the fact…
1. Offensive references to “Aunt Fanny?”
2. Beer for Boobs?
3. Crying to the cops?
4. Sexy seals?
5. Sighting the Reclusive Joe Montana?
6. How Lori Can’t Walk in Heels?
And the winner is…..
Number 2: Beer for Boobs!
Yes – it is a fact. I was so generously endowed by the time 14 rolled around that the manager (and I use the term loosely) of the parking lot crew at our local rodeo thought nothing of handing me a couple of six-packs of Miller Genuine Draft in addition to the cash I’d earned. He may have realized I wasn’t quite 21, but he sure as hell didn’t think I was 14.
Many of the other stories had just enough fact in them to make them sound juicily possible. “Fanny” is a term for your girlie bits, and although this mistake was made in my presence, I (thankfully!) did not make it. I did sob to a CHP who stopped to help me when a yellow jacket got in my car, but have never cried my way out of a ticket. Elephant seals regularly close down beaches for mating season, but I never lost a vacation because of it. Joe Montana does live in Northern Cal somewhere, and I did know a merchant who told me he’d bolt if recognized. And I am prone to falling down in heels, but never got comped into a club for it.
So now, according to the rules passed on to me by Gina, I have to tag three other players. I often don’t do this anymore, but I can think of a few people whose lies I would love to hear. Actually I can think of way more than 3, but damnit, I’ll play by the rules.
So, I tag…
KLZ from Taming Insanity.
Sherri from Old Tweener
Nichole from In These Small Moments.
..and Poppy from Funny Or Snot.
I know, I know…that’s four. But don’t kid me, you’re all dying to hear what Poppy might come up with.
And now…News of the GUFP.
A few of you have asked about what’s up with the GUFP and where Writer’s Wednesday has gone.
There has been some soul-searching about IPoMP, and what it’s meant to be, and where I want it to go. And when I think very analytically about it, I realize that the GUFP really does not belong here. This blog has an actual identity, and I like it. And sad as it is, fiction does not fit well here. I am happy that I put a few pieces of it here, because I really did need to know if it resonated beyond the cavity between my ears. And your feedback and generous praise tells me that it does. But I am taking down the page, and will not post excerpts here any more, instead focusing on the domestic humor side of life, with the occasional imperial decree and irrational demand for chocolate. When the mood is strong enough, and I feel so compelled to share the words with you that I cannot rest until I do (which is what happened with Used-To-Be’s), I’ll include something more serious. But mostly, I’ll stick with the humor, and the points and…well…the occasional irrational demand for chocolate.
If you enjoyed it enough that you want to read what has been written to date (remembering that it is not a complete piece), I will send it to you in a file. Just email me. About 25% of what’s been written was posted here.
So now, me and my beer-earning bosom are going to go make some dinner.
Food may be harmed in the preparation of this meal.
But I’ll keep you posted.