Hellloooooo lovely readers!
We all remember from last week that that was supposed to be Julia Child, right? Excellent!
I do so love when I nail the impersonations.
Welcome to this week’s installment of Ask Not-Martha, Your Points Questions Answered.
As a service to you, you poor poor souls who wander the world without having immediate awareness of where you might be in your points totals, I gift unto you, the answers to your Big Questions.
Big points questions, that is. Big relationship or theology questions can be asked on iVillage.
First up today, we have the gorgeous Nichole from In These Small Moments.
Well, I think you get the “Oogy” award for the day, although there’s not a parent alive who hasn’t done it. I have to assume that said 10-month-old was not squashed, squooshed, squished or squelched in any way. So for dogged pursuit of hygiene in the presence of mucous you get +7 Martha Points. No penalty for baby-pinning.
I think continuation of the species trumps just about everything else, and since I have a degree in Science (albeit, nothing related to biology) I, of course, am an expert. If I consult my Official Rulebook, it says, “Penalties for hurling obscenities at your spouse for demanding heated frozen goods when attempting to engage in lower extremity hair removal with a sharpened blade in order to increase desirability for procreation activities are only levied if 1) said frozen goods are burned to the degree that smoke detectors are triggered and emergency personnel arrive mid-procreating, or 2) cuts sustained from said hair removal cause major bleeding, requiring the summoning of emergency personnel instead of procreating.”
So as long as you did not set the house on fire or end up hospitalized, you’re good.
Next up, our own wonderful Mother Hen.
You’re correct. Warner Brothers’ trivia, while impressive, does not earn Martha Points. However, the weed pulling earns you +10 Martha Points (that’s back-breaking work there), and there’s only a -6 point deduction for a season’s worth of lawn neglect. So you come out ahead!
And for our fourth entry today, we have the oh-so-stunning Fire Wife Katie.
What?? Are you kidding? You scrubbed your own fingerprints off? I think you reach some sort of Martha Sainthood. I think I need to consult a cannonization committee. You people keep going out of my depth.
And finally, you know how I hate to play favorites, but…I think this may be my favorite question yet and it comes to us from The Barrenness.
I think we all know the answer to this.
+50 Martha Points.
Alrighty folks! Keep those questions coming.
You all know how much I love playing an expert on the internet.