Ask Not-Martha, Your Points Questions Answered

Helllllooooooo lovely readers!

(Really, I don’t have to annotate that any more, do I?)

Except every time I type that out I want coq au vin.

Welcome to this week’s edition of “Ask Not-Martha!” The answer to all your “How many points do I get for that?” questions. Or, possibly your, “How far down into the hole of domestic disasterness did I sink for that?”

Well, let’s see how long a ladder we need to build, shall we?

Our first question comes from our own charming Gina from Three Ring Cottage.

Hmmm…a complex series of question. I may need to scribble a few notes while I work this one out. The sunroom is a positive, for certain, a two-day project taking two months, hmmm…that’s a negative, which is compounded by the duration. That’s factor of ten on the delay…that’s gonna cost ya. But then getting the husband to shop and cook, oooh, that’s good. That’s very good. I think there’s a bonus in there. You only lose wife/mother cred if they forget that you know how to do those things.

Ok. The answer is: +11 Martha Points. And no, I am not going to show my work.

Our next question comes from the lovely Mama P, from Keeper of the Penguins.

You burned two dinners? Really, sweetie? *sigh* You know I hate to do this, I really love the giving of points more than the deducting, but that’s a -4 points TIMES a -4 points. That’s -16 Points. Now, normally this would be the time when I would suggest your call your doctor for a prescription for Prozac, BUT, you have some pretty amazing cleaning there, too. It takes me approximately a week to get the house cleaned after a kid party, but you got it done in TWO HOURS. So, that’s an easy +10 Martha Points right there. So, you’re only at a -6 point deficit. You can get outta that easy. One sponge cake or pair of culottes turned into a tea cozy and you’re back in business.

Next up: The adorable Jessica from J Wood Photography

What? I have cats! Are you calling ME a crazy cat lady? Just because I talk to them and give them water by hand from the faucet?? What kind of abuse is this?? What are you saying? I don’t have to take this! Next question!

And finally today, we have a query from the always gorgeous Hope. (Who, by the way, has her own CD on iTunes! I bought a song!)

Now, I did caution Hope when she sent me this image that she was gambling with the “Making Lori Look Bad” penalty subclauses, but she assured me that she neglected all other aspects of domestic engineering and Martha-tude for the sake of this amazing circus quilt and that the dog hair reached tumbleweed proportions. So no penalty. And for this gorgeous display of craftiness (have I mentioned that I really don’t sew? My mother is considering finding other daughters.) I award: +20 Martha Points.

And that wraps up this week’s edition of Ask Not-Martha! Keep those questions comings and those pots boiling over! It’s almost Halloween you know, and NOTHING beats a good cauldron scalding.

Till next time!


  1. Dear Not-Martha,

    My 4 yo was up 7 times last night. How many Martha points are deducted if mom either:
    a) Was snoring so loud she didn’t hear her own daughter. OR
    b) Feigned sleep so dad would get up and put her back to bed.

    These are hypothetical, of course. I’m just asking for a friend.

  2. I feel exhausted and inferior compared to these ladies. I am going to make a sponge cake decorated with fresh flowers from my garden, just to make up some points.

    Yeah, like that would happen….

  3. Nice to come out on top for a change. Thanks for answering my questions. “culottes” made me chuckle. Haven’t heard that word in quite some time.

  4. How many points do I get for designing the invitations for my mother’s upcoming wedding.

    Do I get extras for redesigning them (without complaining….much) when she passed it around her office and then took the 15 suggestions of her coworkers and sent along all the “tweak” suggestions to me?

  5. Negative four multipled by negative four is positive sixteen. Negative sixteen is negative four times positive four, or negative four quadrupled.

  6. I thought for a second that I had written Jessica’s question about having two cats and no social life. Because my name is Jessica and I have two cats and no social life. Then I read that she’s 23. I’m 30. I hate Jessica. To be clear, I don’t hate myself. I hate the other Jessica.

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