This conversation happened today as we were driving to some friends’ to celebrate their daughter’s first birthday.
Me: Why are you going this way?
Himself: I want to finally see this house with the pumpkins.
Me: It’s not on this street!
Himself: It’s not?
Me: Didn’t you study the map??
Himself: Not carefully.
Me: My family SO doesn’t care about me.
Himself: I’m just bad with directions is all.
Me: Well go left here. Then it’s at the end of the block on the left.
Himself, as we get to the house with the pumpkins: Oh. Yeah, that is cute.
Me: [Deleted to maintain the PG Blog Rating] you.
Clearly my husband is NOT with the program. NOT letting me nail gun pumpkins to our roof, NOT letting me launch our lethal attack cat to wreak the havoc he was clearly born to do, NOT making insulting, disparaging comments at the wretched pumpkin house when he finally deigned to pay attention to it.
I believe the state of California allows me a no-fault divorce in this situation wherein I get all his stuff AND I get to kick him in the shins.
I’m sure a judge would be on board with that.
So the Halloween season has come to a close, and those bordering-on-harrassment decorations will be down from the house any day. Things should be better for the rest of the year, she has not – in years past, at any rate – put up Christmas decorations that do quite the same job of taunting me and robbing me of a decent night’s rest.
But if she lines her roof with adorable wee snowmen, I am getting a friggin’ blow torch.
Programming alert: I am the “celebrity judge” (Paige’s words not mine) of the “Mom of the Year Contest” at Slightly Off Balance. Not your typical parenting accolade, the winner is the person who I judge to have done the funniest, wackiest or most desperate thing to somehow keep their parenting mojo on track. Or, off track, as the case sometimes may be. Leave a comment here if you’d like me to consider your own special brand of parenting crazy. Contest (and we use the term loosely because there are no prizes, certificates, trophies or Rice-A-Roni deliveries) closes today.