I will hunt you down.

Later this week there will be post about Child A’s bedroom. But table that for now. The thing that’s relevant at the moment is that I had to go to JoAnne’s to buy some fabric.

While waiting for my number to be called at the cutting table (I was number 1,317 and they were on number 6), Child A and I wandered the store to distract ourselves.

That’s when we was saw this “Home Inspirations” display.

What.

The.

Hell?

I want to kn0w – I mean I seriously want to know so I can hunt you down and smack you – who the hell is decorating their teenaged girl’s rooms A La Tragic Teenage Vampire?

Cause I am gonna do you some hurt.

Let me zoom in here so you can get a closer look.

Where the hominess of wrought iron meets the creepiness of blood red accessories.

If your approach to parenting your teenage daughter is to allow her to craft a shrine in her bedroom to a sulky teenaged bloodsucker with gender stereotype issues, you and I need to have a chat wherein I am allowed to use a two-by-four.

Not well visualized in that picture is an arterial red throw pillow shaped like a rose.

Cause nothing says burgeoning into woman-hood like graphically inappropriate symbols of de-flowering.

Here’s another view.

Like those stars?

Yes! It’s Pottery Barn for the chronically angsty! Also if you look to the right side of the nightmare decorating scheme, you’ll see a hand-mirror shaped wall mirror (how clever!). The perfect accessory for the sweet sixteen who wishes she was one of the reflectionless undead.

I can get behind the steamy wish-fulfillment teenaged romance as much as the next woman-who-was-once-upon-a-time-a-thirteen-year-old-girl. But we, as parents, have a responsibility to our children as they explore relationships and sexuality.

And anyone who allows “Twilight” to become so much a lifestyle that it necessitates its own decorating scheme is going to undergo a deprogramming session that involves oral reading of Jane Austen and Emily Bronte.

And possibly bamboo under the fingernails.

36 comments

    1. When one has the checkbook, one is fully capable of arguing.

      But if they go this route once they’re on their own, you’re sort of stuck.

      You have to hope that you’ve installed the right “classy decorating” morals.

  1. Amen Lori. I walked into Barnes and Noble the other day and stumbled upon the “Teen Dark Romance” section. Rows of books with tragic looking ghouls and gals on the covers…what the ?

    1. The black covers with the red and white accents…

      ARRGGHH!!

      I’m so conflicted. I want kids to love books.

      I just don’t want them to love crap!

      And my objection here, frankly, is more about the obsession over crap than any personal bias towards vampires.

      Never met a vampire, but I’m sure if we could get that whole blood drinking thing we’d be fine.

      I mean, I’m a total Buffy addict.

  2. I love your violent side!

    People tease me because it looks like someone threw up pink cotton candy in my daughter’s room – pink and castlels and all things girlie! Now I understand, I was supposed to give my three-year old a funeral home chic decor!

    1. Well, a grape threw up all over my daughter’s room, so we’re all good.

      But yes – are we failing to meet the angst needs of our kids by not letting them pursue all things goth?

      But it’s really the crap book inspiring a decorating phenomenon that I object to more than anything else.

      *sigh*

  3. This vampire insanity makes me feel sooo old. I don’t get it. I don’t want to. My brain is Twilight free, and I intend it to remain so!

    All that stuff is very disturbing. I better not go home for Christmas and find it all in my niece’s bedroom!

    1. I admit it.

      I totally love Buffy.

      But…I’d never decorate that way! Ugh!

      And I just can’t tell you how aghast I was to stand there and see an entire AISLE of this crap!

      Crap decorating so you can even FURTHER wrap yourself in crap books!

      Argh!

  4. Okay…how about if they mixed that black/white motif with, say, a nice subdued green? I could get behind that. It’d be a little more Earth Mother than Sexy Vampire. And I’m slightly ashamed to admit that I’m a Twilight fan and have read several other authors in that genre. And there have been times I’ve looked at my hubby and wished for little fangs to pop out, or felt his arm and dreamed of a 114 degree core temperature like that of a protective werewolf. But it doesn’t happen very often. Anymore.
    :)
    Mindy
    http://www.thesuburbanlife.com

  5. Oh crap. . . I’ve got an awful lot of black in this house. . . dang.

    Never thought of Twilight connections. . . maybe I better go re-analyze my decorating style.

    1. Well, I have a lot of black too… but it’s asian themed art and lacquer picture frames.

      I’m pretty sure you haven’t dolled up the foyer with a black gothic cross and a blood red urn.

      Ummm….have you?

  6. I’m 26 (young, but not angsty or a Twilighter) & I’ve decorated my home with Dia de los Muertos imagery, baroque swirly picture frames, sugar skulls, glass bottles, vintage taxidermy, brocade patterns, entomology specimens, and lots of black against brightly coloured walls. I love it. It reflects my personal aesthetic and brings me a lot more joy than a house that yawns with 10 shades of eggshell and bought-em-because-they-were-with-the-couch-in-the-show-room paintings of subdued landscapes. Meh.

    Yet, I must say, I’m not a huge fan of red/black/white (too predictable)…I’ve done black with bright green/pale yellow/orange. The black/red/white is too pseduo-sexy and borders on cheese.

    I like to take my decorating cues from Martha’s Halloween bookagazines….& keep healthy doses of it incorporated all year round. I also like a life without drama, and interior design with lots & lots of it.

    So, in other words, I’m going to head to my local JoAnne’s to get some of those nifty shelves!

    1. I am totally behind that decorating scheme.

      It has history and culture behind it. It has power and whimsy at the same time.

      It is NOT inspired by a grown woman’s bad wish-fullfilment novel.

      Which is really what annoys me most.

      And…I’ll let you have the shelves.

      But if you get that rose pillow I’m gonna smack you.

  7. While I HATE Vampires with a passion (it’s a religious hang up of mine, they just seem to be complete and total evil to me). I must confess to reading cheap crap as a teen V.C. Andrews anyone?

    I will also note I did it in a room with a white iron and brass day bed with white eyelet curtains and comforter and pastel rainbow border.

    And so shall it come to pass in my home.

    I’m sure that as we speak at least one of my teenaged boys (the one who doesn’t wish to become a pastor) would love nothing more than buxomy blondes in various stage of undress plastered all over his walls. My position: You will NOT have that in my HOME!

    The girl shall hear the same refrain whenever she attempts to remove her Barker Flower Fairies… ;)

    1. Oh good lord…Yes, I remember those books.

      Totally addicting drivel!

      But…you didn’t try to decorate your room like the attic did you?

      No. We had boundaries! The crap had a finite space to live in. It did NOT spill over into tacky accessories!

  8. This post just made me feel weird. As I kind of have no idea what you’re talking about. And I even forced my way through all four books!

    Is there something specifically there targeted toward young girls? Is it vampire related outside of being red and black? I seriously think I’m not smart enough to understand the symbolism of those tchotchkes.

    1. The frilly red pillows and miniature chairs made me think of young girl decorating, while the color screamed “mirror on the ceiling Vegas meets goth.” But the black with the red and white accents is so totally, totally twilight.

      But it’s really that it drives me CRAZY that such absolute crap writing is inspiring such obsession.

      Which is then inspiring really BAD decorating.

      So pretty much my two favorite things are being diminished by poorly written teenaged angstiness.

  9. I love my vampires. Angel, Spike and Lestat. Also Saint Germaine. Wasn’t fond of the Twilight version though. And Frank Langella did one sexy Dracula.
    However, that decor is totally unacceptable for a teenage girl’s room.
    That said, my 54 year old self does decorate with dragons, gargoyles and medieval weaponry.

    I am a self-confessed weirdo.

    1. Spike is my personal favorite on that list…

      And the decor was just warped. Although, my object is more to the trash it represents than anything else, truly.

      If you want a cheesy role model for decorating, pick Austin Powers. At least HE has comic irony going for him.

  10. I am so relieved to meet like-minded, anti-Twilight people. The whiff sanity is a relief after living amongst so many “Team Edward” and “Team Jacob” Mrs. Robinsons.

    I’ve never gotten so much huff and puff as when I posted my New Moon review. My Facebook page was flamed with friends and family telling me that I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

    As for the decor…

    I have nothing.

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