I have a plan.
You knew it was just a matter of time, right?
And whoever tried to call in an increase to my prescription?
So let’s review.
There is Too Much Merriment in the land of the Pumpkin Tramp.
And I already played the Nimbus card.
So after careful research, planning, and consultation with my astrologer, I have developed a New Assault Strategy.
Let’s consider our heroine for a moment.
Gorgeous but in a totally non-showy way.
I SAID GENTLE!!
Thank you. Much better.
This heroine is just not the type to launch an assault on her show-offy, clearly trying to beat her at her own game, neighbor.
So I’ve created an alter-ego.
Ninjas are the perfect alter-ego for this job! Stealthy, sneaky, ruthless. And THEY don’t make noise by falling down when the rubber sole of their slipper drags on the carpet.
Let me demonstrate the sheer awesomocity of this plan.
I wait until there’s a moonless night…
Stand motionless and statue-like (as opposed to all the highly mobile statues) in the shadows.
Because you need shadows, darkness AND moonless nights for maximum Ninja effectiveness.
But I don’t expect you to know that, not being Ninjas and all.
That’s what you have ME for. (And get ready for the informational link to this website that uses this post to teach kids about martial arts.)
And then, when the lighting is perfect in its lacking-therof, when the quiet of the night has reached its peak…I strike!!
I hear you cry.
Here, put on these handy night-vision goggles that I have on hand just for you.
And then, instead of her glorious perfection, she’ll have this:
But it’ll be so, so, so, so worth it.