Get it?

Points! Poinsettias!

I kill me.

It is possible that the eggnog was flowin’ a little liberally here in Martha Points land in the wee hours of the afternoon.

As I look at my statement here, I see that somehow I am still sitting at only +8 Martha Points.

Don’t I earn interest here?

Shouldn’t this have compounded into at least a +15 or +18 by now?

Damned economy.

Now, it is true that I have not wrapped a single gift, and one wouldn’t be far wrong if one suggested that I still have shopping to do, and I couldn’t call you a liar if you pointed out that I have a stack of Christmas cards that have not yet been mailed sitting next to me.

But I’m sure if I look HARD enough, I can scrape together a  FEW more points.

The trick is going to be not finding so many penalties that I end up BACK in negative numbers.

It’s the penalties that kick your heiney when you’re bending over to water the damned Christmas tree.

Grrr…Cursing the Christmas tree: -2 Points.

I need to watch myself here.

Ok…To the points!

Current standing: +8…darnit, I mean +6 Martha Points.

  • One additional guest post at the lovely Crunchy Betty: +5 points
  • Posting the link to the guest post before the guest post actually happened: -2 points
  • Striking carpet in Child C’s room after the Great Laundry Round-up of 2010: +4 points
  • Accommodating my Jewish husband’s need for a real Christmas tree: +6 Points
  • Decorating the tree before it was 7-foot piece of kindling: +4 points
  • Eating my weight in Russian Tea Cookies (which are technically crackers, but GOD I love those things): -3 points
  • Failing to identify the substance that is making Nimbus throw up: -3 points
  • Coercing the kids into cleaning up the aftermath of the throw-uppy Nimbus: Umm…I don’t actually know if that’s a plus or a minus.
  • Patio fountain turning into the miniature sound-stage for the Northern California production of “Creature of the Black Lagoon”: -5 Points

Which brings me to a new grand total of +12 Points.

GEEZ LOUISE talk about swimming upstream.

This calls for drastic measures. So, this weekend I will: bake bread, shampoo carpets, wrap cats, comb gifts, sing wine, mull carols, deck kids and feed halls. The snowman will be Frosty, the Gentleman will be rested, nights will be silent and wonderlands will be wintery.

I will need rum, yarn, brandy, spackle, vodka, yeast, tequila, medium density MDF and a martini shaker.

It’ll be legendary.



  1. I cannot tell you how badly I want to see a wrapped Nimbus! If you put a bow on his head…it will be funny…or will require a hazmat team cleanup.

    I do hope Nimbus feels better.

    Also? I think you should get points for posting the photo of you wearing Antlers au naturale…which really sounds like you were naked at the time…Ah, well. Whatever gets the web hits, right?

    1. I actually may TRY for a Christmas Nimbus photo.

      Once I don my protective gear.

      And as long as he’s not throwing up.

      And if me without makeup gets web-traffic, the internet is seriously broken.

      1. Well, even if he is throwing up? Perhaps you could throw some ribbon shreds on the vomit, take the photo of him while he’s recovering, & call it “Nimbus has too much ribbon and eggnog?”

        Or something.

  2. You know what else you might require? An army of elves with curly toed shoes and choreographed song and dance numbers. Epic Christmas Miracles are never complete without them.

  3. Do you know how hard it is to laugh when you are sick? Yes you do. I’m a gooey mess and though I am a closet snorter (which is why I never use *snort*)it’s not pretty when one is plugged up. Deck the kids and wrap the cats. I couldn’t love you more. I hope those bloggy boycott girls go back and read because they are missing out!

    1. As long as the laughing with the stuffed head did not cause you to sprain something that might be important later.

      But otherwise, I am all kinds of good with the laughing.

  4. What did we do without the internet? Where else could you find directions for wrapping a cat? The Yellow Pages? I think not.

    One more week till the Christmas is over, the tree is mulch, and the decorations on the walls (which keep falling off, damn cheap stick on hooks) can get shoved into boxes and husbandhandled into the basement.
    I don’t think I get any Marth points this year…I was far too bad. Perhaps my massive suckage can slurp up some of your negatives? Good luck sis!

    1. I have made everyone in my house watch the cat-wrapping video and they’re all in shock. “There are cats that will let you do that?”

      And those damned hooks.

      I think they’re made by the people who sell the things that break when they fall down.

      It’s a built-it replacement policy.

  5. Chocolate…. LOTS and LOTS of chocolate.

    Washed down with whiskey and coke.

    With your feet up on the coffee table directing your minions about.

    Fixes everything.

    1. I don’t THINK so, although we’ve been watching to make sure he’s not drinking the water from the tree stand.

      But he does this every once in a while.

      Maybe he’s getting into the Nog.

    1. If YOU deck your kids, it’s parenting.

      If I deck your kids, it’s assault. No matter HOW festive the holly.

      It’s really unfair how the law looks at these things.

  6. coercing kids to clean up ANY aftermath is def. a plus on the points scale. HELLLLO, look at your leadership skills! ( ability to delegate and all!) yeah, getting kids to do anything that gross, Hell, getting ANYONE else to do something that gross is def. a plus in points. Congratulations!

  7. Ooh, throw-uppy kitty. I am amazed that you could coerce a child into cleaning this up. I can barely bring myself to do it.

    You will be such a flurry of activity after all of these points-earning tasks that you might find yourself with the flu all over again. I recommend against it.

    But keep the booze and yeast anyway. You never know.

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