I’m just too damned sentimental.

I wonder who I should send these to for consideration?

To a boyfriend:

You’re my sun, my moon
My east and west.
Now look at my eyes,
I’m more than a chest.

To a wife:

My love for you is oh so deep,
And will last eternity.
But if not I’ll lose my shirt
Cause of community property.

To a gardener:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
That shrub right there
Needs watering too.

To the kids:

My darling Valentines
It seems you grow so quick
So could you take your gym socks
Out of the kitchen sink?

To a boss:

Night and day you’re in my mind
In ways both deep and true
Cause a horses’ ass must surely be
More qualified than you.

To an ex:

Though our love was never meant to be
I’m glad that once we were.
And we both know, now we’ve met again,
I’m twice as hot as her.

I could SO write greeting cards.

EDITED: WTH Am I Doing decried the absence of a poem for all my blog stalkers (both of you). I refuse to overlook anyone so important on this hallowed day o’ love.

For a secret blog stalker

Quiet as whispered kiss
Boosting stats in silent clicks
I’m thrilled you’re such a flirt, y’all,
As long as this stays virtual.

39 comments

  1. I had a boss once who believed that the company’s sexual harassment policy didn’t apply to him, and regularly promoted the idea of a wet t-shirt contest between me and all the female department managers. At his going away party (transferred, not fired, unfortunately) we all recited little poems or jokes for him. It was a large party, including his wife. My offering:

    Boss, you’ve had my loyalty (if only for a while);
    I’ve worked long hours and raised production just to see you smile.
    But some things I just cannot do, I’m sorry if you’re hurt,
    But you ain’t NEVER gonna see me in a wet t-shirt!

    He had some ‘splainin’ to do to his wife. :D

  2. I have been stalking your blog since halloween. the first post I read was the first one about the infamous pumpkin lady. I love reading your blog. You do a great job. Nice to ‘meet’ you.
    P.S. It was your last poem that finally got me to stop quietly stalking you.

  3. I think there’s money in greeting cards, right? I mean, someone must be getting paid to write that stuff.

    You should so have that job. I’d buy any one of these. I like the boss one best, though. Haven’t we all had a few bosses like that?

  4. Aw, man. What’s that one awesome ecard site with the really off sentiments? Whatever it is, submit these to them. You know, if you figure out what I’m talking about.

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