A Courtly Addition

In addition to the essential courtiers that Himself selected from a field of both gorgeous and cutthroat competition, there were many offers to fill other roles.

There were several volunteers to be the Court’s Jester.

There was a volunteer to be Royal Shoe Shopper.

There was also a volunteer to be the Royal Food Taster, although truly I think that was just a ploy to get at my chocolate.

And as tempting as all those offers were – I mean REALLY tempting, I bloody HATE shoe shopping – I politely declined. You get too many court staff and then you’ve got the forms, the W-2’s, the inter-kingdom transfers and once the payroll tax gets to be more than a half a dozen goats and the village virgin then you need an accountant with a degree in non-Euclidian bookkeeping and it’s just an administrative nightmare.

So I was focused. A small, elite group of women and I would just have to live without a Royal Bun Warmer or a Royal Cupcakier.

But then…

An offer came.

An offer came I couldn’t say no to.

I just couldn’t.

You see, I’ve been without one for ages. Not since my college days. And once you’ve had one – a really GOOD one – you feel that hole when you are living without.

So when I was approached by someone eager to fill this position, well…I just had to say yes.

So IPoMP is happy to announce that we now have an official Sassy Gay Friend of the Court:

I’m so excited I could just DIE.

Yes, my friend Mitch showed me the error of my sassy gay friendless ways, and of COURSE I agreed.

Because we NEED a Sassy Gay Friend for the Court.

We NEED someone to let us know when our velvets are dated, our silks are too too, and our cleavage not deep enough. (Ok, like I’m not gonna get that last one right, but I s’pose it could happen.)

So please give Sir Mitch the warm welcome he deserves. And if you are lucky enough to get a blessing with that wand, well then you can be assured a fan-friggin’-tastic day.

18 comments

  1. There is something wrong with me. When I read, “Stool, not mushroom.” I didn’t look at the photo and I gagged a little cos I thought it was referring to poop.

    Oh, Welcome, Mitch!

  2. Hooray for Mitch!! It’s true…everyone needs a sassy gay friend! Who else is going to tell us that our ass looks fat and that we need to wear less whore makeup and then take us out for a latte?

    YAY, MITCH!!!

  3. You know, I’m still extremely jealous HOWEVER this is just what you’ve needed Lori – and I didn’t even know it – a sassy gay friend of the court. Oh, Mitch, do you have friends? #whateveryblogneeds

  4. Thank you all so much for such a warm welcome-Y’all are wonderful!
    Secondly, Liz, your hubby is totes hot. I’m jealous. Not like fatal attraction jealous, but still… Doesn’t matter how I work up the appetite, as long as I come home for dinner, is what the boif (of 4.5 yrs[what what?!]) says. Right ladies? ;)

    Any who. I am open and available for bitchy and non bitchy gossip, although, one is far more fun than the other. Also, I do love all things interior design, Musical theatre, wine, all other booze, travel, and, of course, singing! So, if any of threes activities interest you, or any others, feel free to hit me up on twitter, facebook or my blog.

    Speaking of le blog, if you’re ready for utter cuteness, there is a post that chronicles my childhood in pictures up. It’s pretty amazing, if I may say so myself.

    I look forward to chatting with y’all. Ciaociao!

  5. Oh, crap, this throne thingy here isn;t big enough for all the supposed air quotes royalty coming out of the wood work.

    I’ll have to play nice–it is public and all–and begrudgingly welcome Mitch.

    In unison now, peeps, “Welcome Mitch.”

    Pleasure to meet you.

  6. Lori,
    You are one lucky woman.
    I haven’t had my sassy gay friend around since University.
    He’s now the Artistic Director for a big shmancy fancy theatre in the city.
    So, I am very glad Mitch is on board.
    It was a void I was filling with Carbs ; )

    Dana

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