Your Parents Talking

This week, my very dear friend Sherri from Old Tweener is lending me a hand and taking care of my blog while I continue to figure out how to make a bloginess work. (That’s a new word I invented that means blog+business. Like it?) I am so very pleased that Sherri’s here. And I KNOW she’ll take good care of you while I’m away today.

Psst!

Hey, is Lori still gone? Still working away on her Your Child Talking site?

Cool.

Because I have my own little site to toot my horn about, and I don’t want to step on her toes.

She may launch her cat at me if I do. Or at least deduct some Martha Points.

May I present….

Your Parents Talking

A Guide for Tweens and Teens

Do your parents initiate conversation with you constantly?

Do they ask questions you have no answers for or really don’t care to answer?

Do you have a hard time understanding their dated language?

Well, look no further! This website is your go-to source for navigating the world of parents and their speech problems!

These problems can easily be divided into three categories:

Frequency Problems
When parents suffer from frequency problems, it can usually be attributed to their lack of social involvement with other adults. Asking constant questions of you helps them feel that they are truly involved parents who have no time for a life that doesn’t involve their children.

Encourage your parents to sign up for night classes, join the company softball team, join a book club, or take up home beer brewing. Frequency problems have been known to subside substantially with an increase in either the number of adult friends or the consumption of alcohol. Or both.

If all else fails, purchase an iPhone for your parents and download the Angry Birds app. This will cause parents to cease all communication with you for extended periods of time.

Content Issues
Questions from parents often take a turn towards information you aren’t really interested in sharing with them. These are commonly referred to as the “who, what, where, why” questions. When parents dig for information about your life, they are not only trying (again) to feel that they are involved parents but they are just plain being nosy.

There are some key words and phrases you can use to keep these content issues from getting out of hand.

“Who” should never be answered with Bubba, Big Daddy Mike, or “that girl who just got out of Juvenile Hall”. Use names like Sue, Jane, Bobby, or Fred.

“What” works best when used with phrases like “church social”, “volunteer duty at the library”, or “singing carols at the senior citizen center”. Never use the simple phrase “hanging out”, which always leads to more questioning.

“Where” is best answered with the words church, library, school, or senior citizen center (see also, “What”).

“Why” is the hardest question, and the most difficult to answer without the possibility of further questions. Try to avoid saying “dunno”, “why do you care”, or “because”. These answers will most certainly subject you to interrogation.

Language Barriers
Parents have a difficult time keeping up with the current trends in language. This creates all sorts of issues, the least of which is an extreme amount of annoyance on your part.

When your parents use a word or phrase you are unfamiliar with, try very hard to decipher it in the context of the sentence.

For example, when your parent says “That’s bad!” in reference to the fact that you got a C on your Algebra test they are not implying that it is actually good. “You’re sick!” will usually be used when a trip to the doctor is necessary, and not when you’ve done something outstanding.

Attempting to text with parents brings in a whole new set of issues. Keep in mind that LOL, TTYL, BRB, and ROFL may confuse your parents and cause them to actually call you on the phone to talk. Texting keeps them at a safer distance, so choose your texting carefully so that they understand it the first time.

Please feel free to share my website with your friends. Remember, parents will continue to talk, but with a few simple adjustments, you don’t always have to listen.

47 comments

  1. Thanks for having me over today, Lori!

    I baked muffins for you (+20), fed Nimbus (+5), raided your liquor cabinet (-30), and TP’d Pumpkin Lady’s house (+100).

    So I think I’m ahead at this point.

  2. I have found that the best humor is based in truth.
    Case in point: “Frequency problems have been known to subside substantially with an increase in either the number of adult friends or the consumption of alcohol. Or both.”

    Giggle.
    I’m so happy to see you here, Sherri! :)
    (Waving to my long-lost friend, Lori!)

  3. Sherri –
    My kids ARE that age and you hit the communication-nail right on the head. Which isn’t easy after the consumption of alcohol.
    And that’s why we need a lot of adult friends around to help –
    (with the nail-hitting, the teen-tolerating, the barely-surviving nature of these years…)
    This made me smile. Or ROFL. Or something like that.

  4. “Frequency problems have been known to subside substantially with an increase in either the number of adult friends or the consumption of alcohol. Or both.” Truer words have never been spoken! roflmbo<—How hip am I?

  5. OMG – the question/content part is SO my mom and brother! And I’m not talking the edible choc. cocker sort of way. He CANNOT be asked even one question by her without sighing and shutting down! He perfected the technique so much that he always got away with not needing to discuss stuff with her!

    1. I think the boys seem pretty good at this, my brothers sure were!

      But in my house, the boy is chattier than the girl. This may change soon.

      Edible chocolate cocker…..ha!

  6. Wait. If my child told me they were friends w/ Fred I would be prowling the internet for local sexual predators.
    You did that to throw me didn’t you? You funny Sherri!

    And Lori, I’d have a hard time w/ the Martha Points on this one. Causing readers to snort coffee out their noses sends a mixed message, don’t you think?

  7. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see my daughter more than 4 times from age 13-18. She came home from school, hit her room, might have bolted out momentarily for food. And usually avoided questions by feigning deafness.
    That all must be in the next “chapter”.

  8. My niece actually said to me last time I was at my sister’s “Can you make her stop asking me that stuff?”

    This is hilarious and I remember being a teenager doing/saying the same things!

    I’m including this post in my Sat faves :)

    Oh, and you need to submit this one to BlogHer for syndication!

  9. Um, is it bad that my kids are both under 5, and they’re already not listening to me? I’m pretty sure they think the only words that come out of my mouth are blah-blah-blah-timeout-blah-poop.

    Admit it… have you been peddling your new website to young kids, too, Sherri?

  10. Ha! Sherry you’re so clever! I have just stepped into the Twilight Zone…I mean Teen zone (who am I kidding?) last year and I’ve got two more right on his heels. I will direct them to you post haste. Er, to your site I mean. It’s not like I was threatening to send my kids to you…could I?

    1. UPS delivers here 7 days a week.

      I recommend you cut large holes in the box, so they arrive at my place in good condition.

      Or you could just spring for airfare.

  11. Sherri, this is absolutely one of your best. Lori brings out the best in all of us, doesn’t she? But seriously, home beer brewing? And the who/what/when/where/why – classic. I am so very scared for my future in texting.

    1. I do not text well, and my daughter thinks I’m a dork.

      So I think I’ve been a good parent so far….but we’re heading into MAJOR dork territory with 13 around the corner.

  12. Ok, I don’t have teens, but I can totally see this guide being useful in a couple of years! So funny! I’m proud that I actually know what LOL etc. means. I attribute it to my computer savvy ways! LOL

  13. I really worry about Eddie’s patience with me when he is a teenager…especially since I will think I know it all since I teach teenagers.

    we are doomed.

    1. Oh yeah, that’s a bad combo! Because no matter how much you think you know teens, they aren’t Eddie! And you’ll think you’re all cool and he won’t!

      Oh man…

  14. My teen needs to visit your totally awesome site, if only to find out that “dunno” and “why do you care” aren’t acceptable responses!

    Sherri, once again you are so clever and witty. I’m quickly learning that the only way to survive the teen years is with plenty of humor (and alcohol). Not that I’m condoning drug use, but teens are probably the reason that valium was nicknamed “mother’s little helper.”

    1. I agree! And now that my son is almost out of high school, I am sure the daughter who’s coming up on 13 has a thing or two to teach me about teenagers.

      Stocking up on wine now…

    1. I poke fun and laugh at them but yeah, they’re wonderful.

      And if I blog about them, they feel all special.

      So that’s a win-win. Thanks for stopping by, Alexandra!

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