In today’s installment of the “Keeping Lori from Losing her Ever-loving Mind” series, I am thrilled to host my very dear friend Cheryl from Mommy Pants. Cheryl and I shared an intimate coat moment when she came up this way for Napa In January, and trust me when I say I wouldn’t have worn just anyone’s coat naked.
Lori is away doing important things, like helping kids like mine learn how to talk.
And I want to thank her. Because what she’s doing will help change the lives of children and their families.
So she’s asked me over here today to, you know, fill this space. Thing is, I’m not all that funny and also I don’t know how to draw pictures and even if I did I could never approach her level of awesomeness.
Since she DID leave me in charge, I’m going to take this opportunity confess something.
She has a major flaw. The kind we all refer to as a deal-breaker.
You know what I’m talking about, right? I mean, the kind when you really, really like someone, but it takes super-human effort to overlook
And so I have tried to be a bigger person. I have. To see past this issue and rise above.
But, since she’s left me alone over here, I’m finally going to do admit it.
The truth is, I hate cats. Bless their hearts.
They make my eyes swell, water and itch.
They make my nose swell, water and itch.
Also, they’re not needy. I NEED needy.
I want to be greeted with enthusiasm when I walk in the door. Or stand up. Or breathe.
I want the big bark when someone comes to the door. I want my kids to dress them up or lie on them or hug them.
Do cats do that? No they don’t. They sit wherever they want and stare at you. They hide under beds when a human enters the room. They poop in a box in your house.
Perhaps you remember Lori’s, um, issue with her neighbor who decorated her house for Halloween by lining her roofline with cute little pumpkins?
I suggested she catapult her cats over there and knock them off the roof.
She probably thought I was trying to help. And I was – I was trying to help her get rid of those cats! In the most subtle way possible, of course.
So I thought of another idea. Maybe I could get Nimbus and Topaz to hang with my dogs. You know, so they can learn how to be cool. And when I say cool, I mean my dogs can teach Topaz and Nimbus a few things that could make those cats a little less…awful.
Halloween will come around again. And I have power tools.