It’s been a while.
The last tooth I lost was a failed root canal in an upper molar. The tooth came out in pieces and I would have been far too embarrassed to offer it up for coinage. Plus, the nitrous oxide impaired my sequencing ability and more likely I would have mailed the tooth to the insurance company and put the the new policy notice under my pillow.
But other than that, my teeth are pretty well staying put. ::find wood. knock aggressively::
I miss the Tooth Fairy. I miss that magical exchange of useless stuff for a quarter. (Yes, that was when a quarter actually bought a snickers bar. And there were dinosaurs. Shut up.)
But since the Tooth Fairy has no need to visit me at the moment I’ve decided that she’ll forgive me if I search for someone new to sprinkle the dust around for a while.
So here are some of the candidates:
1. The Cat Hair Fairy – comes in the night and replaces the cat hair with tickets to touring broadway shows. I would gladly give a pound of Nimbus fur in exchange for prime seating at a showing of “Spamalot.”
2. The Wayward Sock Fairy – when the family is otherwise occupied eating dinner, the Wayward Sock Fairy sneaks into the laundry room and replaces the socks without mates with retro tea towels.
3. The Lidless Tupperware Fairy – this saucy minx sneaks into the home while the family is out taking the car for its once-a-decade oil change and whisks away all mateless plastic containers and replaces them with classic hub caps.
4. The Lifeless Houseplant Fairy – This handy sprite takes away the dead husk of the maidenhair fern and swaps it for collectable Elvis plates. Dead ficus trees are exchanged for paintings of the King on black velvet.
5. The Abandoned Jar of Mystery Condiment Fairy – when you and your family are watching the dvd that was due yesterday, this fairy silently steals into the refrigerator and replaces nearly empty jars of relish, salad dressing, calamata olives and that weird glass jar with the lid that’s permacrudded on with fresh bottles of maraschino cherries and/or pearl onions.
So I think a Craigslist ad is in order, don’t you?
Do you think I should ask for references?