Little Umbrellas

I cleaned cupboards today.

On vacation! Do I know how to live it up OR WHAT? Admit it. You wish you were me.

Might I suggest that, if you do decide to be me, that you do something about this chin. This chin is an issue.

Things I found in the cupboards: tw0 half-empty boxes of Hanukkah candles, two half empty bottles of Kahlua (not related to the candles), one disemboweled smoke detector, six lid removers, and two packages of little umbrellas.

You know, little cocktail umbrellas.

I think it is telling that normal people would not have any packages of little cocktail umbrellas in their kitchen, yet I have two.

Two unrelated packages. Let me make that clear.

One is in a box of tiki cocktail cards that I received as a birthday gift.

The other is a package leftover from our engagement party, which had a Hawaiian theme.

Because just having a leftover umbrella or two is for wimps.


Are you a REAL WOMAN?

Then stock your damn kitchen in accessories for drinking!

You can do this if you are a real man, too.

But what I really think is important here, your take-away, if you will, is that I am the kind of person who both receives little cocktail umbrellas as gifts AND stocks up on them for parties.

I am way cool.

You should hang out with me.

Cause I serve a kick-ass cocktail.

With little umbrellas.


  1. My womanhood is verified.

    I have not one… but TWO packages of cocktail umbrellas in the drawer with the cupcake liners and the creme brulee torch!

    Paper and a butane torch in the same drawer…. mental note to take a second look at that arrangement…

    Bless you, Lori. Bless you.

  2. I was already convince that I should hang out with you, and this did not change my mind.

    I can bring the package of little umbrellas that I currently have in my drawer with me when I come over.

  3. I will trade you two lid removers for five mismatched Christmas crackers. You can keep the disemboweled smoke detector, as I already have two of those.

  4. If we’re trading, y’all can have the opened package of chopsticks (it was discovered that it was much harder to get food to your mouth with two little sticks than it was when you just shoveled it in with forks) the BBQ implements that got washed but never taken back out and the 14 skewers we own but have never used (the metal makes it too hot to hang onto them, and it’s just a mess when you have to use potholders to pick up your skewers) for, well, you can just have them. Like I don’t have ENOUGH useless shit in my drawers already! Oh, and I’ll throw in any spices more than 3 years old and an unopened bottle of some kind of flavored vinegar someone gave us…once…sometime.

  5. The fact that you cleaned the cupboards on your vacation… has got to be worth beaucoup points. Right?

    I am also a big fan of the drinking accessories. Wait… does the lime in the Corona count as an actual accessory?

  6. Not only do I like you because this post is completely random yet hilariously entertaining…but I also own cocktail umbrellas. A box of them. Also a box of them fancy toothpicks with the frilly coloured thing-a-ma-jigs on the end of them to put yummy olives or pickles on. I love pickles.

  7. I have been quiet on the blogging front because I have spent my vacation (I am actually supposed to be working, but whatever) cleaning out my underwear drawer, my sock drawer, my PJ drawer, my husband’s office and my bathroom cabinets. I have a large ziplock of cocktail umbrellas, as well as THREE different sets to spear olives with, several different stirrers.

    But I already knew I could hang out with you!

  8. Well, I did enjoy the one time I DID hang out with you and I think the addition of little cocktail umbrellas would have made it only even more awesome!

    You know, I also have a package of them w a y up in the cupboard. Saving them for what, I’m not sure.

    BlogHer, maybe?

  9. Though I am not currently in possession of my own set of umbrellas, I have a pretty kick ass picture of me sporting about 30 of them in my hair at a wedding reception from a few years back. I’ll try to find it and send it to you. And, clearly, we need to hang out, umbrellas or no….

  10. I have had all sorts of umbrellas and fancy napkins in my house.

    But as soon as the girls become aware of these items?

    They are used.

    So my umbrellas are used to decorate apple and cheese slices. And my napkins are used to make patterned snowflake cut-outs for the windows. So I am completely unprepared to serve you a fancy cocktail.

    But we do have a keg.

    We are all classy like that.

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