I’ve been formulating a plan.
It’s taken me a few weeks to work out the details, but I’ve finally got it.
It’s going to take cunning, guile, and I’ll be honest. Not all of you are going to make it.
But you’ll be at peace knowing that you made the ultimate sacrifice.
Ready? Did you have your Wheaties?
Here’s a review. (You can also read this post to get up to speed.)
I want you all to keep your eyes on the prize! Your noses to the grindstone! Your shoulders to the wheel! Your kidneys to the asphalt! Your hamstrings to the leprechaun!
Got it? Ok. Here is a detailed schematic of target zone.
This detailed map will allow you to penetrate enemy territory quickly and efficiently. Please note, however, that there are far more houses in my neighborhood than are rendered here, that the houses are not actually colored like this, that I don’t think I’ve drawn the streets accurately, and the target is not really conveniently marked with a big, giant graphic X. BUT, my house is yellow. So you’ll all be fine.
Let’s talk weaponry.
After careful planning and reading the “fun for the whole family” blurbs on the back of the “RISK” box, I am fully qualified to establish means of assault and the armaments necessary to achieve our aims. Which are what?? Taking the Pumpkin Tramp down!
Study this diagram carefully.
As I was not able to acquire any offensive weapons that involved plutonium or gun-powder (damned seven-day-waiting periods) we will make do with older, more classic measures. A catapult filled with a secret weapon.
What’s the secret weapon, you ask?
She is so gonna be toast.
So here’s the plan.
Once I launch the cat with the…er…catapult the devastation will be the stuff of legends. Her beautifully perfect house with her disgustingly adorable pumpkins is gonna look like THIS:
And I will finally sleep like a baby.
Where does the risk to you come in, you wonder?
It’ll be YOUR job to get Nimbus back into the house.
Good luck with that.