Points de Resistance

First: Thank heavens for random number generators, as if I had to choose an entry I would absolutely die. (A ka-trillion apologies if people thought otherwise. Covered in chocolate. A ka-trillion and one, even. With sprinkles.) I have been cracking up since Tuesday morning. From Kristen’s washing a single spoon for ice cream, to Liz’ straightforward coveting, to LauraK’s attempts to leverage Friday into the weekend (which, for the record, I think is totally okay) and Poppy’s entering of other contests in a attempt to win something to barter with in case she doesn’t win. I have been laughing so hard my eyes have teared up. I mean, someone gets a mug and all, but I didn’t appreciate how much fun it was going to be for me. And then there’s the whole brawl, which I think I should charge admission for.

I’m just the bringer of ceramic happiness, that’s all I can say.

If you haven’t entered to win the Mug ‘o Martha Points, please leave a comment here. Entries open through Friday morning.

And it’s time to be doin’ some tallyin’ peoples, because I’ve just spent the week as Hostess with the Mostest. Mostest dirty floors, mostest spotty wineglasses, mostest yelling at cats. I can say, with utter humility, that I have no equal in this department at the moment.

An ignominious distinction, I think.

Let’s Count.

Current score: +5 points

  • Hosting mother-in-law for seven days. +5 points (Note: If my mom-in-law were in anyway difficult I would award myself more points, but she’s lovely and heavily low-maintenance from a houseguest standpoint, so standard MP’s apply here.)
  • Forgetting how many children we have in the hosting mom-in-law/graduation brou-ha-ha and almost getting the wrong number of graduation tickets: -10 points
  • Mopping the kitchen floor mid-visit: +6 points
  • Falling asleep on the couch while socializing…twice: -4 points
  • NOT running out of wine: +8 points
  • Running out of food: -5 points
  • Running out of nice weather: -6 points (I know, I know, but I bet Martha could have done something about it for her houseguests.)
  • Taking mom-in-law winetasting: +4 points
  • Taking mom-in-law out to Puerto Rican food: +4 points
  • Taking mom-in-law to sit in the blistering sun for Child B’s graduation and encouraging her to wear a sweater: -8 points (in my defense, it had been raining all week up until exactly 2.5 hours before the ceremony started. But I think I lose as many points for almost rotisserie-ing her to death as I would have for almost giving her pneumonia.)

Bringing my new total to: -1 points

WHAT??? I was robbed! No one starved to death! No children were actually misplaced or anything! Mom-in-law slept indoors for Pete’s sake, and the cats only drew blood one time.



    1. I have some amazing “Kristen” friends, that’s for sure!

      And I have to consider that perhaps the reason I didn’t run out was because I didn’t spend more than $5 a bottle.

      That might be relevant.

  1. I vote that we give you back those six lost for the weather & put you on the plus side of things. Surely the not-running-out-of-wine counter-balanced any bad weather. It sure makes ME oblivious to meteorology!

  2. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to forget the number of children you have and do it on a daily basis. You did remember before you bought the tickets!

    1. It was touch and go there, we actually had to line them (all THREE of them) in front of us to count. And then we couldn’t do the math whereby we accurately factored OUT the graduate (who was, in fact, being admitted without a ticket) and we STILL almost came up a ticket short.

  3. I followed you over from SITS. I have to say that I’m not sure what the points all mean, but it’s pretty funny! I can totally picture your MIL roasting! Have a great day!

    1. Thank you for stopping by!

      The points have more to do with my mood than anything else, so as long as you’re finding it funny them I’m doing them right.

      And great day to you, too!

  4. i realize i’m not the first to think this, but not running out of wine should be more like +80.

    and no mention of the apron-wearing jello throw-down? I need to see if she wrote again.

  5. I think you’re too hard on yourself. Not running out of wine defintely makes up for running out of food, good weather and falling asleep on the couch! I’d award you way more points. You need to get your priorities straight… :-)))

  6. I believe you deserve a gazillion martha points due to the unsolicited comment from Himself after yesterday’s post. I doubt if Martha would ever get that kind of romantic declaration of love on her blog. Maybe from one of her dogs, but that doesn’t count…or is that Oprah? Nevermind, I’ll get back to your when I get my facts straight.

  7. Oh no, honey. You’ve got to recalculate. A house guest? Clean house? Not running out of wine? Dude-duh. Major points.


    P.s. thanks for the comment today. Totally had me laughing. I know who to go to if I need some heads busted.

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